Abraham Lincoln, Mary Lincoln, and Depression
No matter how much we try to perceive otherwise, there is a lot of sadness in the evolutionary process. Survival of the fittest, meaning in this sense an ability to survive in a changing environment, has little to do with the likable qualities or the ethical qualities of the environmental victims. Bambi’s are everywhere, except even this is not universal in that some people thrive on seeing the Bambi’s of world get the short end of the stick.
Abraham Lincoln is perennially voted the best President ever according to historians. Mary Lincoln would likely be voted one of the worst First Lady’s ever. Lincoln understood human nature better than any other President. He didn’t see others so much as evil or good but simply products of their genes and environments. Mary saw others as well defined good and bad people. Lincoln kept almost everything close to his vest, had few close friends but endless meaningful interactions with other people of almost every sort. Mary had few close friends because of her personality which was mercurial and judgmental. The two personal secretaries for Lincoln in the White House referred to her as “Hellcat”.
For a start here we need define normal depression and clinical depression. In normal depression the person is grieving about something that everyone would agree to be normal to be sad about. A spouse dies and you are sad—well, most of the time anyway. A good person dies and we are sad—well, unless it is an Indian in a western movie, or a Vietnam resident of a small village. Because Lincoln understood human nature he genuinely saw his mission as one of helping all sorts of people with problems, while he himself pretty much remained aloof from identifying himself closely with any sort of group. He never joined a church even though he did believe in God, declaring that:
“I am not a member of any Christian Church is true; but I have never denied the truth of the Scriptures; and I have never spoken with intentional disrespect of religion in general, or an any denomination of Christians in particular………I have never united myself to any church because I have found difficulty in giving my assent without mental reservation to the long complicated statements of Christian doctrine which characterize their articles of belief and confessions of faith. When any church will inscribe over its altar as the sole qualification for membership the Savior's condensed statement of the substance of both law and gospel: "Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart and with all thy soul and with all thy mind, and love thy neighbor as thyself," that church I will join with all my heart.”
When Lincoln Died the outpouring of disbelief and mourning was rampant. People who at times had been angered by his decisions and annoyed at his policies seemed almost unanimously to suddenly get the big picture of just how well he had managed to bring out the ‘better angels of their nature’. A million people out of a total population of 30 million, managed to view him in the casket as the funeral train wended it’s way west for burial In Illinois. Roughly a third of the population, in the states which the funeral train passed, managed to stand along the tracks as the train passed. Considering the kind of transportation and absence of places to sleep overnight, this figure is staggering. In every city the people who joined in the funeral procession took over 4 hours to pass by, with blacks often relegated to the rear of the procession. Most of the blacks stood by the railroad tracks as the train passed, tears steaming down their face, seemingly distraught as to what would now happen to them. Some modern day historians have tried to downplay Lincoln’s concern for blacks and insist he only wanted to save the union. But none of the blacks who lived back then were fooled at all: Lincoln had engineered the abolition of slavery, period. At each city where the casket was displayed, 10,000 people per hour passed by the casket and children by the score were frightened by seeing their father in tears. In Springfield, where he had lived most of his adult life, it was bedlam. Behind the casket walked Lincoln’s horse Bob, the horse who carried him over the judicial circuit for so many years. His old dog Fido, a homely yellowish mutt, was brought to see him in the casket, and with a soulfully sad face, he laid by, and on top, of the casket for hours. There are more books written about Lincoln outside of Jesus than anyone else, and probably no death ever caused more widespread intense grief.
During all these funeral activities Mary Lincoln was present at none. She was too incapacitated to participate in any of it. Mary was never a strong person emotionally. She had lost her mother at a young age and was raised by a stepmother who had little love for her. She then lost her father. She lost her first born child at a young age, then 3 of her 4 sons. Her family was from the south and she lost several family members during the war who were in the Confederate army. Many northerners accused her of having confederate sympathies. She was a compulsive spender of clothing, and most of the citizens of the north despised her for this compulsion. While the Civil War was rough on most citizens in so many ways, Mary Lincoln was pushed to the edge of insanity by her endless loss of those close to her by the war or disease. When her son Willie died in the White House Lincoln had to threaten her with being put in an insane asylum if she did not manage to pull herself together over the death of Willie. When Lincoln was shot and killed right before her eyes it was far more than she could handle. She dressed in black for the rest of her life, she went to spiritualists to converse with those who had died, lashed out at just about anyone, over anything, as her moods changed constantly. She never let Tad, her youngest son, out of her sight and then he died at age 17. The living nightmare for her never ended. Her oldest son tried to take good care of her, but his wife couldn’t stand her, and he had three young children to raise and in trying to protect Mary from the media vultures, she ended up targeting most of her anger at the world toward him. It was really a sad, sad, situation. It was all pure tragedy and hell with no evil involved on the part of Mary or Robert Lincoln. The only person who could have possibly settled Mary down was Lincoln and he was gone.
What we now have here are two people who suffered from depressive episodes in their lives; one was highly revered and admired, one was disliked and ridiculed. One might think that the admiration of the public back then for Lincoln, after the assassination, would have generated a desire to care for the widow Mary Lincoln, no matter what her psychological state. But it didn’t happen. Mary spent much of her time begging Congress to give her a pension and with little luck until the latter part of her life when they reluctantly gave her one only because several other widows of former Presidents were getting a pension. This reflects why Lincoln is so revered compared to the rest of us. He could always find empathy for the diversity of others, providing they were not themselves persecuting others different from themselves. Many people loved Lincoln even though to do so was a repudiation of their own psychological state. I guess the same is true for many people who call themselves Christians too.
Despite this being an irritant to some readers here, Lincoln and Terrell Owens have some key similar genetic attributes. Both were born with a tremendous amount of will power. Lincoln understood that slavery had to go, that it was an ethical evil, and even the horrors of the Civil War did not deter him from that goal. Lincoln has been described as being like a steel cable which goes from point A to point B and while swaying from side to side to placate opposing sides on the slavery question, in the end the steel cable connects to point B. Mission accomplished. Both Lincoln and Terrell Owens also learned the ability to stay focused on their goals. Nothing diverted their attention from their goals. And to protect this focus, they built protective bubbles around themselves and rarely let any others inside this protective mental barrier. Of course Lincoln’s focus was a far more important goal, whereas Terrell Owens had a much smaller in scope goal—to be the best possible wide receiver he could be. Were Terrell Owens to be assassinated half would cheer and the other half would be angered. And that is understandable.
It is interesting, but puzzling, to see how much so many people resent deviation from their own perceptions of right behavior no matter how tragic the reality sometimes is for the person they resent. To what degree Mary was insane is essentially irrelevant. No one is insane or not insane by choice and the line between insanity and sanity is hardly a clear cut line. Perhaps all of us have our moments of insanity. Certainly it is irrational to hate the insane however mild or severe. In the same fashion it irrational to hate other religions, other races, other cultures, other economic groups, other political bents, certain age groups, or the personal appearance of certain others. Diversity is a key element in the evolutionary process so hating diversity is a pointless exercise, but all of us are susceptible here to varying degrees. Lincoln, in this lack of hate toward diversity, was better than all of us. He just did not hate anything except injustice to others.
Today, attitude toward diversity is split. A lot of people are genuinely comfortable with diversity, while others are raging antagonists against all sorts of groups. We are now in an age where facts are no more valid than ‘alternate facts’ or feelings about varied matters. The term political correctness used to mean those political policies which brought the most contentment to the greatest number of citizens. Now, to many, it means just the opposite: there is no need to be concerned about certain groups in society and to acknowledge otherwise is an interference with their own personal right to hate these others to any degree desired. These emotionally charged people are angered, really angered, by any suggestions that they have any obligation to aid, support, or tolerate the objects of their hatred. Both sides here, in this country and in most countries, have sizable members on their respective sides. As always, it is nigh impossible to tell someone they need feel different about the groups they so despise.
It is important to understand the difference between the depression of Lincoln and the depression of Mary Lincoln. Both had good reasons to be depressed. The Civil War gave millions of people good reason to be very depressed. But Lincoln’s depression was a natural emotion. For someone who genuinely wanted all sorts of people to be given a fair shake in life, the political atmosphere back then would naturally generate depression for someone like Lincoln—who personally suffered along with those facing the varied tragedies associated with the political struggles of the time. But here is the crux of the matter: Lincoln at no point in his life lost his ability to deal with daily matters as they needed to be attended to, and he did it with a clarity and insight which was invariably brilliant. Observers have described an evening with Lincoln in which, at times, he would sink into a strange melancholic appearance as if no one else was present, then suddenly he would snap out of it and participate in a lively fashion in the discussion. We all experience situations where we are active and rational during a meeting when all of a sudden we suddenly feel overwhelmed by the reality our spouse is slowly dying at home or our favorite pet had recently died, etc. All this called normal depression. It is a normal reaction which lasts a ‘normal’ length of time.
Mary, on the other hand, could not function when hit by these severe depressions. She lacked the will power to go on with her life, her focus got fixated on the trauma which caused her depression. This is clinical depression. Today, various drugs might have given her relief. But back then, treatment of severe depression was rudimentary at best. Even today, with all our knowledge about causes of depression, a lot of it is simply ignored. We know that one symptom of clinical depression is overeating and thus sizable weight gain. We know that our citizens who live in our ghettos where violence and economic stresses are prevalent, are likely to become overweight and many do. But most will attribute this to their laziness or lack of willpower or a typical trait of a particular race. Mary Lincoln was the relentless target of ignorance which generated hatred toward her. When she finally left the White House after Lincoln’s death there was no one but her attendant and surviving son to send her off. Millions gave her husband a momentous farewell, no one gave Mary a send-off at all. “There was scarcely a friend to tell her goodbye.” Money and clothes were a compulsive addiction to Mary all her life. When depressed these matters were all that seemed to matter. It was just a thoroughly sad situation. Insanity is hardly the right term.
As the only one remaining son, Robert Lincoln tried his best to protect his mother from the media vultures. He considered this to be his responsibility. He not only had to deal with her extreme depression, but her long time compulsive behavior toward money and clothes. He feared, regarding the latter, that left alone she would be ripe for pickings. He was trapped. If he did nothing he would get the blame, if he took over her financial affairs he would get the blame. He consulted endlessly with those who knew her all her life. Mary, unfortunately was dead set against having anyone control her financial assets. The real question, which had no easy answer was: How could Mary best be protected from her tragic lonely state? The insanity trial was less about sanity and how necessary was it to get someone else to protect her financial state. Robert Lincoln begged others who could be trusted to be the legal overseer of her estate but no one else would do it. And no one could do it unless she was declared insane. Not a pretty picture.
Jason Emerson, the author of the most complete book on Mary Lincoln, seems to have the best take on the whole sad matter: “To declare Robert an honorable, loving son is not to attack or demean Mary Lincoln. This is one of the primary roadblocks to a true understanding of the insanity event that has been a part of the popular thinking for decades: to defend either Robert or Mary does not make it a requirement to defile the other. Mary Lincoln deserves understanding for her horribly traumatic life and her psychiatric illness. She deserves empathy, and not a little pity, for the trials she endured, which began with the death of her mother and ended only in her own death. Mental illness is not something actively sought, and we cannot blame Mary for her irrationalities; nor can we blame Robert for dealing with his mother in a way he deemed most necessary and proper.”
At Mary’s funeral it was stated: “When Abraham died, Mary died as well, only much more slowly.” We feel genuine sadness that Abraham Lincoln died at the hands of an assassin. But the reality is that Mary’s long tortured dying process after her husband’s death was exponentially more sad. Robert Lincoln also spent many tortured years wrestling with how best to protect his mother. I guess it was another example of “heads I lose, tails I lose”. I wonder how many battles in life have no winner?
P.S. Given his concern about justice and fairness for all, how content was Lincoln? Since living by the Golden Rule brings contentment to both the giver and the receiver, it does not seem contentment is unavailable to the genuine sadness Lincoln perceived around him all his life. Depression not withstanding, Lincoln had more confidence in his own decisions as any man could have. He only needed to feel that he was doing his best by others as he could, to be encapsulated in contentment even when depressed. What would be truly strange is if he spent all his waking moments hopelessly mired in a depressive state. He never was hopelessly depressed which is not to say he did not fully realize the sadness all around him during his Presidency, and felt this sadness to his core. Were he to have acted otherwise, this would be abnormal. How could someone as genuinely concerned for all varieties of humanity, be a picture of joviality and mirth during the Civil War? Lincoln’s gift was that most anyone who came in contact with him felt he was genuinely interested in solving the problem that be, whatever it might be, irregardless of their own stature or ethnicity, or religious sect, or whatever. Lincoln, like a few other leaders in history, did not seem to represent any particular portion of the society in which he governed.
