Part 2: Dealing With Reality Past Our Productive Years
So, some of us survive our formative years and our productive years, and with some luck, manage at least modest successes. Now what? Diversity generates differences in how best a particular person handles their terminational years. Most people need sufficient social contact with others to be contented in their terminational years. Relatively good health is needed for most people to be contented. If foresight ever means anything, protecting our health in our formative and productive years is important. Probably most people need to let go of their productive years’ career. If that can’t be done it tends to generate frustration because, like it or not, things will be different. A new generation should, and is, running the show at that point. The productive years are the best years to feel important; the terminational years can be a lot of things, but it is rare for anyone to feel more important in their terminational years. The reality is that we are no longer important at all, for the most part. The need to feel important in the greater schemes of things is natural enough, but will always be elusive and fleeting. In some variable sense we have many opportunities to feel important—and these are good feelings—but time either helps us understand our unimportance to the evolutionary process or we proceed to be frustrated till our death. This idea that unless we are important we are failures is a misconceived perception. The only thing we can individually achieve worth a tinkers dam in life is some contentment, for the reality is that we, in the big scheme of things, are not important to evolutionary progress.
Contentment depends on accepting the realities of life, but these individual realities will differ. Those people who think they are special to God and God is protecting them from the potholes in life, often end up with some version of “why hast thou forsaken me God?” I have heard this a lot from older people. Many people end up with a terrible existence, not because God has forsaken them, but because their fellow humans have forsaken them by not individually or collectively behaving ethically—that is, by living their lives via the Golden Rule. When someone suffers because their job does not pay a living wage or their pension gets dropped, or they can’t afford proper medical care—God did not forsake them, humans have collectively failed them via their government. That, it seems to me, is reality.
We may not have evolved yet to the point where we know all that much, but all humans, at this point in the evolutionary process, understand that the Golden Rule as an ethical principle. All humans have to do is have most humans at all levels of society follow the Golden Rule and most of the misery apparent across our globe would be eliminated. There is no reason why every child in this country and throughout the world cannot have the same amount of money spent on their education as other children, or every child cannot get good health care, or all adults have an opportunity for a job at living wages, or have adequate vacation time to enjoy life, and the list goes on and on. This is the reality that humans collectively will not accept. Instead humans invented various religious sects to keep us at ‘war’, in one way or another, with each other. Then to justify man’s inhumanity to each other we invented ‘family values’ which allows many humans to justify their self-centered behavior as an ethical lifestyle.
What does ‘family values’ do but justify being satisfied if your own children have good schools, or good health care, or live in a safe neighborhood, or anyone in your family is not one of the 43% of American adults who don’t earn enough money to even qualify to pay federal income tax? Or justify using mercenaries, most of whom sign up as a means to get the money, to fight our endless invasions on borrowed money—at the same time many Americans become wealthy producing all the equipment and services needed to sustain the invasions—including the 800 foreign military bases maintained in order for us to invade anywhere at the drop of a hat. Of course we then don’t have the money to maintain our own infrastructures, or properly care for all our communities and citizens. For decades we actually encouraged illegal immigrants to come here and work for sub minimal wages so our own citizens (another form of family values) can have material goods at cheaper prices via slave labor. Politics, more so today than ever, has been brazenly reduced to each party running for office essentially on the premise that if elected they will grease the wheels of government for their own base and make sure the other party’s base pays for it. This could be endlessly elaborated here, but if there is any point to be made here, it has been sufficiently made.
Our collective ethics has failed the human species big time. This is the planetary reality of the present time. This does not spell doomsday for the future, nor even is it to be surprising. Why would we even remotely conclude that the evolutionary process has been completed and a predictable evolutionary correction will not be needed for long term progress? There have been many evolutionary corrections made over time—evolutionary time—and the only thing different now is that these corrections coming down the pike for our age are, for the first time, caused by the actions of a particular species—our species. Fortunately, despite the self serving assumptions that we, as the most advanced species, are running the show now, that we as individuals can get God to bless us and protect us from the landmines of life, that we are indeed important as individuals in the evolutionary process—despite all this self-serving illusionary self-importance, all any of us ever get, is a chance, by chance, to exist for a minuscule period of time, while how much contentment all humans can attain is dependent on just how many humans manage to live their lives by the Golden Rule. To the extent we all do determines the extent to which the most humans on our planet achieve the maximum amount of contentment in their lives. Right now those who live by the Golden Rule are in a distinct minority. And thus contentment is at a minimum for a high percentage of our species.
While we are clearly failing here, like we did with the slavery issue for centuries, our misdirected ethics will likely evolve in a positive way whether it be an improved human species or a new species or whatever, and none of this is under our control as a species. I am more contented in my terminational years than I was in my formative and productive years, but not because I am a better person than anyone else, but because by chance, good luck, genetics, and environment, I don’t have expensive hobbies or an expensive lifestyle and therefore it is no big sacrifice for me to generously pay into my FANAFI FUND, which enables me to treat all kinds of recipients, including our planetary environment as I would like to be treated if I were in their shoes. The Golden Rule is the only avenue to contentment for humans—and so, by default and accident, my FNAFI Fund is the source of my contentment. Many others are not so fortunate, they are burdened with all sorts of addictive and compulsive behaviors centered around more self serving material things, titles, power, wealth, sex, overeating, expensive hobbies, genetic allegiances, and so on. Those who learn to appreciate the simple things in life, appreciate diversity, and treat the less fortunate in life as they themselves would like to be treated if they were, by chance, the less fortunate in life. Those who go this route will be in sync with reality and be contented for it. None of us can control the future—the best any of us can do is to help the less fortunate achieve some contentment in their lives and by doing so maximize our own contentment in life. God, through His/Her/Its laws governing the evolutionary process will take care of the future. We just need to take better care of each other. Evolution is God’s job. Ours is to help take care of each other especially the less fortunate.
Here’s one example: We have managed, as a species, to have created 75 million refugees living with no land, no job, many starving, most with poor health care, etc. Nobody wants them for obvious reasons. If every affluent person across the globe gave money on a scale dependent on their actual wealth, every one of these refugees could have a place to live, a job of some sort equal to their skills at a living wage. Then, no more welfare for them, case is closed. But those who value money as their main goal in life would have a fit and would irately state: “over my dead body”.
One more example, if every person on a planet with human overpopulation, would simply accept the Golden Rule and understand that any right to have as many children as we might want, is overshadowed by the harm being done to humans as a group with overpopulation. Right now the reality is that raising two kids well is the best thing for everyone everywhere. If someone wants to raise more, then adopt children.
There is no evidence that the Golden Rule is gaining traction as the basis for ethical human behavior, and considering how the evolutionary process works, this should not be a big surprise. As human overpopulation surges, the Golden Rule will become less and less practiced. It will, and is, becoming more every one and every group for themselves. As a species we are not yet developed enough in this genetic trait. Mother Nature will get this job done too, as she has other specie deficiencies in the past. Like everyone else I wish my existence could be more important in the evolutionary process. Failing here, at least there is a way to increase my contentment until my time is up. Too many of my neurons have already checked out. But I will try to deal with reality—The Golden Rule and gratitude for the many good things in my past, including people, things, and events, will help me now go gently down the stream to the great unknown. If death is really death, I take comfort in that I will, after death, never be frustrated or angry or disappointed by anything ever again. Fair enough. If I had a tombstone, which I do not plan to have, it would read: “Here only the shell remains. The Nut is gone. If you are here looking at this stone try to give a shit.”
All of the above seems reasonable enough for my particular life, but since we are all different it seems presumptuous that any of the above is any one plan for all. So anyone who reads this may well have wasted their time in that my perception of reality, arrived at through my particular life experiences, probably will not match anyone else’s perception of reality arrived at through their own particular life experiences. My dad made clear to me that once 18, I would be on my own, not comfortably cocooned by any parental umbrella for life. At that point in time I thought this was cruel and lacking in love. I came with time to sense that my dad understood someone like myself could only achieve success on my own, be forced to make corrections after any mistakes, and that any assistance for me would have to come from others, who for whatever reason, would provide support or defend me if my goals at the time were meritorious. And miraculously it worked—not perfectly by any means, but the Golden Rule saved my ass numerous times when the chips were down. Often the life lines for me came from people of all backgrounds, ethnic status, religions, cultures, economic status, sexual orientations, marital states, personalities, and whatever. Rarely were we even remotely best of friends. So I reckon it is hardly surprising that I learned to appreciate diversity and ended up with a strong need to pay back the kindnesses I got from so many diverse people by returning this sort of kindness myself for practically anyone or any group, of any ilk, who needs help. What goes around comes around. Someone like myself who needed so much help at so many points in my life, is going to feel a strong need to be that same kind of person towards those with needs. It became a special sort of reward when a student or adult or total stranger would look stunned and ask “Why are you doing this?” And I learned to reply, “Well I hope you, yourself, will pass this on to someone in need whether you know them well or not, and that way, together, we can make more people have some contentment in their lives. I guess it is a selfish thing for me, at this point in time, in that it brings me contentment, more so now than any other thing I do in life. I just like the contentment it brings me, and value it a lot.
Just today is one example: I was leaving Home Depot, with 3 8ft two by fours in my hand when some young employee stopped me in the parking lot and offered to carry the lumber to my car. I declined telling him “I am old, but only look useless.” But he insisted that he help and carried the damn lumber to my car. As we put the lumber in my car I told him, “don’t rush away I have something for you.” But, he point blank refused saying “No, no, I didn’t help you to get a tip” and walked away. Then I went to the grocery store but the more I thought about his simple gesture it bothered me. Here is some kid, making probably $8 an hour, probably in his early twenties, and he just helps someone because he senses they need help. Period. So, after the grocery store, I went back to Home Depot but couldn’t find him, so I asked a clerk if they knew who I was looking for—a black kid who helped me carry some lumbar to my car and I wanted to tip him. She said she did and called on her phone for him to come to the front of the store. I saw him coming down this far isle so I met him halfway. “Okay young man, this is going to be your lucky day. When the President of the United States feels a need to insult whole races and cultures with vulgar language it is time for others who don’t feel that way to make sure his victims understand that everyone not of that race or culture feels that way at all. You take this as a reminder that your willingness to help others of any age or color is something which I hope you never lose.” I put $50 in his hand, patted him on the back, and told him “don’t ever change, in the long run your attitude will pay dividends”. He looked stunned, but I scooted away as fast as I had arrived.
Every act of kindness to the less fortunate—direct, or through my FANAFI Fund—provides me with the contentment needed for my terminational years, and when I die virtually all my money will go to those with the greatest needs or to protecting the environment. I am a good American in that I believe every adult needs to earn their own excess wealth and this current obsession with creating genetic cabals is unethical and upon death excess money should be returned into the society from which it came, so all others have a more level playing field to achieve success via their own efforts. Inherited money is unearned wealth.
I don’t do this because I am a nice guy or more ethical than anyone else—I do it because it makes me feel contented to do it, a simple way of being useful as a hermit and returning to others the same kind of kindness I got from other strangers throughout my life. And yes, it is possible that, for example, the father of the kid at Home Depot could be one of the wealthiest persons in town or whatever, but it makes no difference—whatever his station in life he will be appreciative and thereby be more likely to help others down the road as he was just helped. The example we all should be setting is that, as responsible citizens we help each other out—and not just our own family or own group of any sort. This social and political atmosphere in this country today is becoming more and more toxic, one of ‘everybody for themselves or their own group’. This is sad, and my hope is that soon, enough people will utilize what Lincoln termed “the better angels of our nature” and start being concerned about not only their own problems but the problems faced by other groups of citizens and begin to support each other and each others problems the same way we focus on our own needs. If this happens, all will become better than ever; if it doesn’t it will be another Civil War—not one with soldiers on a battlefield, but this one will be on all the streets of America, with terroristic acts everywhere, until the rubble here is similar to all the rubble in Iraq, Afghanistan, Sudan, and so on. Communities will end up being ruled by thugs until some other thugs gain control for a period and the cycle proceeds this way with positive feedback and no end in sight. Why we think we are exempt from this sort of outcome is beyond me. I can sit and hope for maybe another 7 years of good living before I croak, but the younger people don’t have that luxury and all these people determined to take care of their own kind and thus make life more miserable for others are illusionary. We have three huge populations, none of which is any longer in a clear majority. They either decide to get along and support each other and each other’s problems, or another civil war erupts. These kind of wars, once started, never cease until there is little left to save. Not a pretty picture. Welcome to modern warfare where our country with vast military superiority has not won a war since basically Korea—which was really just a stalemate and going strong yet. Even there in North Korea, the Trump clone is obsessive about an opportunity to create as much infrastructure damage to our country as we did to theirs during the Korean War. Every other invasion by the U.S. to bring peace and prosperity to the invaded country failed miserably, and on borrowed money to boot. Crazy.
Part of reality appears to be that a parent cannot create any lasting sense of contentment for their offspring via inheritance or financial support past their formative years. Perhaps there are a few exceptions. The ‘American Way’ is to earn ones own wealth on their own. Handing offspring wealth or titles or power is rarely successful. Andrew Carnegie was one of the first really wealthy Americans to understand this: “I would rather leave my son a curse as the almighty dollar”. The wealth of Bill gates is greater than the total annual national incomes of the 54 poorest countries. Unlimited capitalism is not healthy for any society and Bill Gates understands this— so on his own he puts most of it back into the society from which it was obtained. After all, this vast accumulation didn’t come from the Federal Mint but from the rest of us—an informal form of taxation. I don’t know what his son does for a living or how contented he is. But Warren Buffet’s son is a farmer and very contented at what he does. Warren Buffet and Bill Gates, from all appearances, are two of the most contented people in our country. Buffet still lives in the $40,000 house he bought back in the 1950’s. Compare his level of contentment with Donald Trump whose compulsive/addictive behavior toward wealth has gained him 24 hours of anger at everything, almost every diverse group, with zero contentment to show for it all. With a trophy wife and resultant family he and his wife sleep in separate bedrooms while it now appears he paid a porn star for sexual favors for at least a year and then paid her hush money to keep her quiet. If true, and it’s hard to know how much is true about Trump, but the immense callous weirdness of this man will certainly be sifted through and more accurately assessed as time passes. If one tenth of his purported life is true it will be a sad sad spectacle. Talking of shit-hole environments, his must be right up there.
Letting offspring become adults and be on their own is typical of the animal kingdom. What is different with humans is the long formative years before adulthood is reached. The healthiest relationships between parents and offspring seems to be when the offspring have succeeded on their own and everybody immensely enjoys Holiday gatherings. Many families never have these kind of holidays because the children have never left the nest. Is this ever successful or healthy? Hard to say and for certain I am not the one to pass judgement on this. Defining a good parent is way past my pay grade. My father’s role as a parent was certainly life saving for me, but my brother had a totally different take on it and was bitter toward my dad all his life. If life is anything it is complicated.
To end this in some sort of fashion I guess reality is different for different humans. There is never any clear view of reality because we all see it through the prisms of our own eyes and neural network. But, in my mind, contentment cannot be maximized without adherence to the Golden Rule by the maximum number of humans. We are indeed, dependent on this principle of ethics for any society to be peaceful and prosperous for the greatest number of citizens. Even if this is true, it sure took myself a long time and many mistakes to figure it all out. I suppose better late than never, and I reckon understanding too much too fast, just as acquiring too much wealth too fast is probably not a good thing. Spreading personal progress out over the years seems to generate a greater degree of eventual contentment. The lucky are probably those who, for whatever reasons, are contented with the simpler things in life, and therefore enough is enough comes easy for them. That is probably better than winning the lottery. “Indeed, the Certified Financial Planner Board of Standards says nearly a third of lottery winners declare bankruptcy—meaning they were worse off than before they became rich. Other studies show that lottery winners frequently become estranged from family and friends, and incur a greater incidence of depression, drug and alcohol abuse, divorce, and suicide than the average American.” That does it. If I ever win the lottery (although I can’t because I never play it. That’s for people who can’t do the math) I will give all the money to someone I don’t like. Smile.
