Parenting——Part 1
Any comments made here about this topic need be taken in context. I have never been a parent. In that context what knowledge could I possibly have on the topic? For starters, given genetic diversity between any parent and each child, coupled with vastly different environmental situations in which parenting operates, it becomes clear enough that parenting must be one of the most difficult and individually unique experiences in life.
Whenever I see a book titled something like How to be the Best Parent, I kind of cringe. I reckon one might be able, although not likely, to be the best parent for a given child in a given formative environment. While I have never been a parent, I certainly have had a front row seat to view the results of parenting by being a high school teacher and then a University Professor for thousands of young people. In a general sort of way there are two kinds of high school and university teachers. Some simply give lectures and exams and stick to imparting subject knowledge. Others get heavily involved with many students on a personal basis. Like so many things in life, we are not talking right or wrong here, but just a natural variation in human interactions. There are often good reasons why some teachers get more personally involved with students than others.
By nature, rather obvious from my many musings on so many topics, human diversity and situational analysis is a huge hobby for me, and always has been for a long time. I have, for years, been intrigued by young people, not children, but young adults. Young adults are certainly adults, but adults with little life experience. I interacted with them at an age when they are usually the most flexible with how they think about and interact with their environmental situation, whatever it might be.
Interacting with students can be very time consuming and very stressful. Parents can appreciate that statement. The difference is that a parent is involved with a young offspring round the clock for many years. My involvement was restricted by time of day or evening and rarely lasted more than a few years, often only one year. I have always been a sort of a hermit by design and nature. My own reality is this: at the end of each day I am in desperate need of personal space and quietude. On top of that I have little innate talent with younger children. So, for sure I would be a terrible parent. “Just shut up” is not an admirable method of parenting. If I had talent enough to be a good parent, then I would guess my interaction with students would have been far more limited, what with my own children to raise.
My contact with even the most difficult student lasted for a limited length of time. A parent has about 18 years of close contact with a particular offspring. Given the personality of some students I would often wonder how their parents tolerated or dealt with it year after year, day after day. Of course, poor parents can also be the cause of a student’s personal behavior. Everything just gets impossibly complicated. Furthermore, my interaction was most likely to be regarding a particular problem the student had at a particular time. Dealing with a particular problem for a limited length of time is, while challenging, more doable than dealing with endless problems with the same person year after year.
While many kids get excellent parenting these days, far better than in past historical times, an even greater number of kids are raised in situations which impose often serious medical damage to a child. Drug abuse and parenting have in common that our government (society) does little to treat either situation on the basis of scientific knowledge, but rather leaves both situations subject to politics, police, and anecdotal cultural ignorances.
Parenting, by universal agreement, is a very important and serious endeavor. To be allowed to teach students we are required to acquire college degrees. To be a parent we have essentially no requirements. We can’t drive on our roads without passing a driver’s test, but we can be a parent simply by accident/ignorance/impulse and possess little acquired skills to be a parent. We seem to be saying that giving birth as opposed to abortion is an ethical matter, and yet the quality of parenting and the environment for parenting is simply whatever it is, it is. In fact, if we are affluent we probably are in some way pleased that we can give our own children a better education than others because this gives our own kids a leg up on job opportunities.
Science tells us that recreational drug abuse is simply an effort by the users to feel better about themselves and their lives. It is philosophically obvious that the solution is to change the lives of those who feel a need to be more pleased with their lives. Naturally this is often very hard to do, but what is utter stupidity is to tell such victims that the answer is to ‘just say no” to drugs. All of us want to be more contented about our particular lives, and by what logic would any of us want to refuse to try and be more contented about our lives? The answer to drug abuse is a very complicated medical/social challenge. All we can really do is try to treat the cause of the discontentment and vow to become better at it with time. The police, prisons, and politicians are no solution. People should be fined and put in jail only for actual criminal acts committed, period. Using a drug to try and get relief from the pain in your life is not a criminal act in any legitimate use of the term criminal.
But here we do not wish to dwell on drug abuse, but on parental/societal abuse of children. Parents are not alone in having concerns about their children. The future of society as a whole depends on the degree to which the maximum percentage of children in that society develop to become good citizens.
To a large degree good parenting in any society is related to priorities. Most of us know good schools are important to good parenting, so we finance goods schools via local property taxes. That, of course, ensures the children of the affluent have good schools. This is wonderful for those of us who are affluent and disastrous for a healthy, prosperous, peaceful society. Ignoring the plight of millions of children in our society is hardly a Christian principle. Ignoring the plight of millions of people with medical problems or employment opportunities, and so on are ethical failures no matter what major religious organization we claim ourselves as a member.
Because we cannot, overnight, make things perfect for all our citizens, hardly means we cannot make steady progress, realizing we all need to sacrifice for the good of our society or ‘all God’s children” or any other similar way to state this.
It seems helpful to start by pinpointing the major factors which contribute to good parenting.
Here is a reasonable starting list:
Good genetics for each parent and child. (Not much we can do here)
Good medical care for all citizens, especially children
Safe neighborhoods for all citizens
Good schools for all children
Job Opportunities for all citizens
Living wages for all workers
Adequate vacation time for all workers
Healthy foods for all citizens
Every parent demonstrate basic knowledge of good parenting
This is probably a good start albeit I am sure with more thought additional factors could be added.
Since we currently suffer from serious global human overpopulation, we need set limits for how many children a couple can have. Let’s say each person is entitled to 2 children who survive early infancy. For any couple to have children should require a license, just like it requires a license to do a lot of things in any society. We will call this license a marriage license. Couplings for purposes other than parenting would not require a marriage license. To get a marriage license a couple would have to be of age and pass a test on basic parenting skills and include such instruction in high schools. I know, many people emotionally feel no one is ever going to tell them how many children they can have or what is good parenting except themselves. This is the same mentality that surfaces anytime any society implements some basic controls over citizen activities. With historical progress has come change, and with change new controls over society are then needed.
Good parenting for all children in any society is such an important determinate for the future of all countries that it seems best here to take the factors which impact on good parenting and cover them in separate musings. Things I tend to muse on are more palatable with reasonably short musings.
