Internet Dating

Internet Dating

When internet dating first became an option it struck many as a really risky venture.  After all, we have been on the internet and are well aware what kind of weirdo’s are out there. Of course whether or not they are on the internet, they are still out there. Today, about 22% of people meet romantically via the internet. The biggest decline in how to meet a romantic partner has been in church, which hovers at around 2%, but even in 1960 it was only about 8%. Meeting through friends has fallen somewhat, meeting through family a lot, down to around  8%. Not a lot of ‘arranged’ marriages these days. 

Meeting via the internet permits setting multiple criteria before accepting a date, then meeting the first time in public, perhaps with a friend along. I suppose one is free to set exactly what proof need be given to prove a person is employed where they say, or not married, a background check could be used, whatever. Of course all this is only half the problem. Now we have to prove we are really the person we appeared to be on the internet. That’s not so simple. We try to put our best foot forward on the internet, and probably manage to put it often way too far forward.

Polls have shown, for whatever they might be worth, that most people meeting on the internet, are disappointed when they actually meet the cyberspace romancer. Probably the 22% who actually marry from meeting on the internet sort of reshuffle the cards after meeting to calculate whether, realistically, this might be the best they are going to catch. Marry whomever we want has always been rather oxymoronic. Probably the best candidates for a serious relationship are not even on the internet since they have no trouble attracting others for romantic soirées. For them, when they encounter what they are looking for, they simply give it a ‘try for the week’ or night, no need to go searching. 

A lot of date match URLs on the internet try to match couples up. There are some people who sort of use date match up URLs to simply chat with the kind of person they would like to date, realizing that such a person would not likely ever be willing to date them. Perhaps for most of us it does help to be a little drunk or high at the moment of first meeting, just like at near closing time in a bar more people begin to look like acceptable pick ups—a kind of ‘oh what the hell’ pickups. I don’t know what percentage of marriages result from these ‘what the hell’ encounters. 

The internet doesn’t eliminate rejection. Women have an 18% likelihood of receiving a response. At least the outright rejection is not in front of friends and others. Males have a 4% likelihood of receiving a response. A male has to send 25 messages to get a response while women have only to send 5. This probably means more men are using these kind of services and/or are more cautious. 

I, myself, have never used the internet to match up romantically with anyone, even at an earlier age. 

Likely no one wants to have sex swinging from a chandelier or, after considering my profile I would be too scared to get a response. Or maybe I feared I would get a response and have to start tap dancing to the tune of someone else’s beat. Or maybe I already know how much stress is involved in a truly romantic relationship. Or whatever.

My favorite is the gal who lives in a high rise, goes on line and engages in suggestive sexual conversations with someone, then the next day goes down and tells the security guard not to let anyone know she lives in the building for fear she let slip too much information about herself. Maybe she got too encouraging about sex swinging from a chandelier. 

Well, there is always masturbation—sex with someone you love.

Then again, who is say that someone will not assemble some kind of match-up data process which will accurately locate the best possible match for us. How far down the ladder do we have to be before this process is also unacceptable? But not to worry. Nothing to date about sex practices or marriage has ever been subject to reason, so this kind of objectivity is beyond the pale.  The divorce rate kind of proves the elusiveness of any ‘perfect match’. There are other ways, after all, to make an ‘ass’ of ourselves. It has always seemed to me that there is nothing better than successful marriage to bring contentment, nothing more harmful to a contented life than a bitter divorce, and somewhere in the middle comes being single. Probably the reality is that there are no general conclusions when it comes to sex, love, and marriage. Then add organized religion and there we have it —a real bumpy ride. We hang on to our hats, try to remain sane, and deal with it all as best we can. Anyone who can predict which relationships will last successfully is illusionary. We all know some of the strangest pairings can somehow be successful, and some of the perfect matches go nowhere sooner rather than later. The evidence seems to be that the most physical attractive amongst us are most likely to have multiple marriages. Perhaps they face too many attractive alternatives compared to the common folk. Animals may have it best—the hormones appear—they do exactly what they are programmed to do and move on or stay put via rigid genetic control. With humans, our minds are in charge, and we are, of course, highly unpredictable as a consequence. 

Assorted related quotes:

“Let us give thanks, not only for what we have but for what we have escaped.” Unknown 

“Not all that tempts your wand’ring eyes
And heedless hearts, is lawful prize;
Nor all that glitters, gold.” Thomas Gray (British Poet) 

“Where love rules, there is no will to power; and where power predominates, there love is lacking. The one is the shadow of the other.” Carl Gustav Jung (Swiss psychologist, psychiatrist) 

“Voluntary loneliness, isolation from others, is the readiest safe- guard against the unhappiness that may arise out of human relations.” Sigmund Freud (Austrian psychologist) 

“Everybody’s journey is individual. You don’t know with whom you’re going to fall in love.....if you fall in love with the wrong color, wrong religion, wrong sex---you fall in love.” James Baldwin (American novelist, poet, social critic) 

“She was looking for something I could never give her.” Again his dark eyes bored into Julia’s mind. “You have something of the same about you, young woman. Take my advice: Don’t think you will find it in another person. You won’t. It’s not there. You must find it in yourself.” Iain Pears (English historian, novelist and journalist) 

“I often compulsively pursue love no matter how bad it makes me feel” Unknown

“Just cause you got the (love) monkey off your back doesn’t mean the circus has left town.” George Carlin (American comedian)