Rape and It’s Implications
Most anything to do with sex is beyond reasoned conclusions. Clearly the physical aspect of rape, within reason, is not of notable consequences. I am not here referring to any rape which involves mutilation or permanent physical damage of any sort. The number of women who have come forward about Bill Cosby is approaching 40 and none of them were so discombobulated by the experience that it stopped their life from continuing.
Some women are so mentally and emotionally affected by the experience that they are psychologically damaged the rest of their life. In this musing I am referring to forced regular vaginal sex. When it goes far beyond that the whole matter is of another hue. Then there is date rape. I would never consent to being on a jury for that sort of thing. Unless one is present, how can consent be determined? The most personable or charming of the two probably is believed. I could never vote to punish anyone about anything on pure belief. I often wonder how the jury members feel when many years after they convicted someone of rape, the person is released after DNA tests prove them not guilty. That how women react to rape varies all over is clear enough, but in the court room how does a judge or jury know to what trauma the female really went through? When there is a lot of money at stake lawyers know how to milk the emotions in their favor.
The notion that someone would want to force sex on someone else is alien to my own sensibilities and sense of justice. Then there is the ‘come on’ aspect of rape. This applies clearly more to date rape, when the line gets rather gray as how much intended or unintended entrapment was involved. We all know females, who, when they claim rape, we tend to question it right away based on their behavior in social situations. And we also know both males and females who would go to any length to get even with a mate (or even strangers) who spurned them or, in their minds, wronged them in some perceived significant way. In something as emotional as love (or sexual attraction), revenge can end up a motive for a lot of things. And so can winning monetary damages be the reason for false or trumped up claims about sexual experiences.
There are men and women who love being promiscuous so if having sex with someone other than their partner is being personally violated, they sure love being violated. There are many women with bodies sexy enough, who make a decent living having sex with strangers, even strangers who are not sexually attractive. It is always interesting that whenever a community attempts to clamp down on prostitution, in part claiming these prostitutes are being used and abused, the prostitutes are furious. They don’t act saved at all. Many apparently feel “Give me a decent paying job and you can shut me down, but otherwise fuck-off”.
Prostitution is not rape of course, but it is sex with people who are not attractive to the prostitute. Forced sex and sex for money are both sex acts not based on any mutual sense of sexual attraction. It is not logically clear why prostitution is illegal between adults of age. In some cases, if a person is not attractive enough to attract consensual sex, and sex is pleasurable activity, it is not clear we shouldn’t be happy that someone is willing to have sex with the unattractive, even though it is for money. At least they are making someone happy. Considering all the different kinds of sex acts, sex for money doesn’t seem half as over the top as some of the kinkier sex acts. A lot of marriages are, in reality, sex for money or life style. This is simply prostitution at a much more complicated, yet legal, level.
Exactly what percentage of sex acts in any community on a given night are actually acts which both partners are doing because they both can’t wait to get started is unknown. Maybe it should not be so surprising that studies have shown the greatest orgasms are often via masturbation—sarcastically a kind of sex with someone you love. Every aspect of this musing is really about the mental aspects of sex. If, for example, we have a foot fetish, how would we ever put in words exactly why we orgasm over someone’s foot, or being tied up, or anal sex, etc. How does one even successfully explain to a child who does not yet have any sexual preferences at all, just why normal vaginal sex is so exciting? How can a straight person be expected to understand the sexual excitement between same sex partners? For that matter, how can a straight couple who find their sexual pleasure via vaginal sex ever understand why another straight sexual couple finds pleasure in anal sex or oral sex or whatever else this particular couple have no desire to engage in?
The point here is that nothing about sex, including response to rape, can be neatly reasoned out. Stating that rape is not usually about sex at all, but anger, is really a cop out. Anger may be involved sometimes, but I reckon there are times when the culprit simply wants sex with a particular person and really doesn’t care if she willingly goes along. Everything about sex is simply all over the place—that is the point behind everything in this musing. All attempts to eradicate certain sexual behaviors throughout history have always been colossal failures. The behaviors just go underground. When the Catholic church tells its members that certain members can’t have sex, or members can’t use birth control devices, or they can’t abort an unwanted fetus, or they can’t divorce, or have gay sex it is not clear where from history the church could ever find a basis for success with all these regulations. The percentage of Catholics who engage in any of these activities is not much different from any other religious group.
Rape is not the only kind of sexual activity we mostly prefer not to talk about. It is rare for us to talk about our private sexual encounters in any descriptive way. Statistically, oral sex is not that uncommon, but how often does anyone talk about their oral sex experiences to anyone? Sex is obviously an important and valued life activity for most, and yet, like with rape, we simply don’t like to chat specifically about our own sexual activity in any detail. No one, at a social dinner, who, for example, enjoys oral sex, would ever comment that their steak on their plate is as tasty as their wife’s pussy. And if they did, we would either laugh about it once a week for eternity, or loose our appetite at the dinner table. I once looked up on google to see if their was a sexual fetish for armpits. There is. Try steering a discussion with others in this direction, or any other fetish, or even what you really do in bed that is pretty vanilla. Talking about rape is difficult, but so is specific talk about any of our specific sexual consensual activities. Considering that most of us are not exactly configured to be a porn star, and those who are can become sexually attractive sex act performers on screen for us in movies, TV shows, magazines, the internet, porno clips, etc.—well—it is rather amazing how much sex goes on between the vast majority, who for various reasons (looks, age, personality, etc) are unattractive and yet actually do engage in sex. Perhaps imagination drives these engagements. Dim lighting probably helps it along.
Rape is no trivial thing. Nothing above is meant to imply it is. The only real point is that rape, like all other aspects of sex, is very individualized in nature, in the affect on the victim, in trying to address the appropriate penalty for a specific case, and trying to even talk about it. Like it or not, almost all sex is shrouded in embarrassment. We all know sex is an important and obligatory part of most lives, and yet no couple at the family breakfast table or social dinner of any sort, ever talks about the details of their sex in bed the night before. When is the last time a clergy person in the pulpit ever talked about any specific type of sex in detail. If some types of sexual activity between consensual adults are sinful, shouldn’t this be something which can verbally be explained? Good luck with that. The congregation would almost unanimously find the whole sermon disgusting and at least inappropriate. The only time specific sex acts seem appropriate to verbally talk about is in standup comedy and movies for comedic effects. That always generates huge laughs. Except rape, that is never funny, and it shouldn’t be, since that act is nonconsensual.
Another thing about rape is this. Many things we are forced to do in life are nonconsensual. We deal with it. Some can deal with rape and move on. But others cannot, and therein lies the crux of the situation. Disease, accidents, loss of a job, losing a mate, improper parenting, poor environments in life, senseless wars which kill young people, and so on, on and on, are events in our life from which we may never recover. Rape is included here too. With rape we can go to trial and seek compensation. For most of these other traumatic events, we need recover on our own. Life is always intriguing and at best, just good theatre. In some cases I reckon it sometimes depends on who rapes us. Was it the guy who we have always had a crush on, or the creepy pervert across the street who is always staring at us. When straight males express fears a gay person may ‘come on’ to them it seems maybe they need get counseling from women, some of whom, spend a lifetime fending off unwanted advances.
Is there such a thing as a false rape claim for financial gain? Do some people jump on the bandwagon and claim a priest molested them when young in order to get some financial compensation? Do some marry for money? Sex for money—is that rape? That certainly isn’t what most mean when we use the term consensual sex. After all, it isn’t about love or sex at all, just money or a lifestyle. If an old guy rapes a younger gal against her wishes that is certainly rape. If an older guy can get the same gal to marry him for lifestyle or money that is not rape. Sex is never a topic that lends itself to rational thinking. It is simply hopeless. Why would the courts want to get involved with any married couples who engage in consensual sex outside of their marriage? If the marriage vows have been broken then simply dissolve the marriage or the couple work through it. What about the ‘groupies’ who shadow celebrities hoping for sex and subsequent huge sums for child support? Giving rational thought to all this sex stuff is like jumping into a giant quagmire of quicksand.
Sex, including rape, are simply topics which remain beyond reason, beyond logic, beyond predictability, with deviations from the norm so common that using the term normal becomes oxymoronic. If we can survive love, sex, and our own personal peculiarities regarding all of this, we can simply attribute this survival to luck. It is theatre, not reasoned out activity. In animals, hormones drive sexual activity in specific directions and their sexual activity is quite predictable. In humans, the cerebral cortex is heavily involved and the consequences are clear enough—hang on to your hats, it will be a bumpy ride, not that too many people wear hats during sex. My mother used to buy a gaudy hat for each Easter. I forgot to ask her if she wore the hat during sex. Come to think of it I don’t recall asking either parent much about their sex life. Sometimes, even I, know enough to keep my mouth shut. With sex, it is all out there, circus like, being driven by God knows what unpredictable forces. It settles the question—God does have a sense of humor. Of course this humor has nothing to do with rape. Rape is never humorous.
