The Sexiest Woman Alive (*Addendum added)

The Sexiest of All 

I recently watched a netflix movie embedded in which I found the sexiest person on our planet. At least for now. Maybe tomorrow, for me, a new one will come along. 

Probably most of us, all but one person on the planet, have the need to daydream that we are stunningly beautiful or handsome, and so sexy that there is no need to go through any painful long drawn out dating search for sex—merely a wink, when the need hits us, and we get the pick of the litter. Then again, I suspect, maybe if good sex was so readily available it would not mean half as much. Instead of panting with excitement over the opportunity we would more likely enquire “Is this going to take long?”  After all there is hardly any need for the urge to have been simmering around for any length of time. Some people have to go to some kind of meat-rack bar for ten times to get a nibble and others just have to smile at anything attractive en route.

What constitutes beauty anyway?  Beauty is not likely the same thing as being sexy, albeit there is a gray area here. Sex is more an activity for youth, and with age, the urge may remain, but then the available scenery changes and it takes a good deal of fantasy to make it all that remarkable—the old saying “What’s the matter, you can’t think of anyone either?”  Sit in an airport sometime while waiting for a plane departure and count how many people passing by with whom you would like to have sex. Probably it varies a lot with maybe the addicted not too choosy. Maybe sex is God’s idea of a practical joke. Is there any other human activity so outside of reason and logic?  At many porn sites there are so many sexual activities available to watch that most people probably wonder if there is something wrong with them, like “Why would anyone want to do that?”  And why is there a ‘foot fetish’ and not an ‘ear fetish’ or an ‘arm pit’ fetish?  Well, maybe there are for all I know. Ok, I just googled “arm pit fetish’ and there is such a fetish. Maybe we should think twice about wearing sleeveless shirts or sandals where our feet are so exposed. Next time someone finds me so ‘plain looking’ I will compensate by telling them how sexy my armpits are. 

How does a sexual fetish originate? If we were at a beach and someone remarks what sexy armpits we have does this mean they are mentally disturbed and we need decide under no circumstances to associate with this person?  Let’s face it—sex is simply beyond logic or reasoning. We grapple with it a lot during our life, and maybe the only logical conclusion is the old saying “I don’t care what two people do for sex as long as they don’t do it in the street and scare the horses.” 

How meaningful is being beautiful? How important is this to a person’s life? It certainly plays a role in what kind of life partner we end up with. When we see ugly and beautiful at the alter we are taken aback.  What is going on here?  Somewhere we smell a gold digger. What are we to think of this situation? Is it much different when two ‘uglies’ marry each other because something is better than nothing? Of course pretty teenage Nicole married 50+ year old O.J. Simpson because he was the most handsome mate she could find. Of course. What pleasure does a wealthy older person really get from marrying a younger good looking person?  Wouldn’t it be cheaper to hire high end prostitutes for sex?  What does it do for a person’s self esteem to hire a prostitute, or use your wealth, to attract a young pretty gal for marriage? I reckon one better at least understand what the attraction really is or there could be another Simpson-type murder (“You bitch, you don’t really love me, you love my money and lifestyle)

As we age maybe the best sex is with someone we truly love and just masturbate. The problem with sex, like so many aspects of life, is addiction. I used to watch older people at pick-up like bars, feel the pathetic reality of it all, and vowed to myself that when older, I would have the good sense to refrain from making a fool of myself. There are plenty other ways to do that anyway and less public. 

But back to the movie and the sexiest gal alive. I think it would be harder to identify the sexiest guy alive, but cannot pinpoint why I think that. Halle Berry has the cutest face and sexy body but I found this gal in the movie sexier. Why?  I think it was her eyes and demeanor. It is one thing to have a cute or pretty face and a beautiful body but to be the sexiest there has to be something about the eyes and the demeanor which add to all that.  And of course, who is sexiest to me would not be given that title by many others. We all see things through unique lenses. So who is this gal? Just to be annoying I will not name her or the movie. The initials are J.C. and no, that is not some sort of odd religious joke. Besides, what relevance is it to anything or anybody who some older guy picks as the sexiest gal alive? That is more creepy than enlightening. Maybe my eyesight is not what it used to be, not to mention my mental state.

*Addendum: I just did a bit of internet searching on the internet.  Photos and clips from other video clips of JC would not be anything which would prompt me to refer to her as the sexiest woman alive. Thus, in essence, it was only her specific wardrobe, role, eyes, voice, and demeanor in one particular movie which promoted me to use such a title. No surprise here as the very term ‘sexiest’ would be impossible to define in any general way.

  

Rules for Enjoying Old Age

Rules for Enjoying Old Age

There are two major shifts in most lives: passing from the formative to the productive years and shifting from the productive to the terminational years. Naturally the shift varies in age from person to person. The productive years are usually ended with retirement. We could linger on what exactly productive means, but it implies here that our official commitment to a salaried job is over and productive output in any sense is voluntary, not obligatory. We are not being paid anymore for whatever it is we are doing. 

Older people are as diverse as any other age group so particular rules may not apply to all, thus those rules which follow are more food for thought than any etched in stone pearls of wisdom. What may be a fit for myself can hardly be expected to be a fit for everyone else. The only commonality is a desire to be contented in our final stage of life. Sometimes, maybe that is the only stage of life in which we can really be contented. The rest of life was a race. First we had to go through endless years of training (the formative years) and for various reasons some training is better than others, but many of the variables are rarely under our control to any extent. Then comes the real race in life, affectionately called the rat race, and we do what we can on what is rarely a level playing field, with endless choices to make and priorities to set. Sometimes we like to take credit for our own successes, major or minor, but realistically almost always there are others whose help was needed at crucial times for our success. We would do well, for our own peace of mind, to never forget these people, and the ethics here would dictate that we ourselves need to help others in need as needed. It seems people who don’t do this are never happy campers, and go through life taking, but seldom or ever giving—unless the giving is for self serving purposes—a family values mind set. These kind of people may reach their terminational phase of life but how they will ever enjoy this phase of life is a mystery. So the rules which follow hardly apply to these people. They went down the wrong path in their productive years and all the money, titles, power, social presence, control and other such personal acquisitions are rather useless in their terminational years. 

The needed prerequisites for an enjoyable terminational phase of life are decent health, economic security, and personal security. Some, really admirable individuals, can achieve substantial contentment in life when all of the aforementioned are not in place. We all know some people who have faced severe adversity in their lives and yet somehow manage to find some contentment in their lives despite it all. How they do it is beyond comprehension. Nothing, at least to me, is more depressing than the kind of cards some people are dealt in life. “Why them, why not me?” is a very troublesome observation in life. There is no way for any ethical person to reach full contentment in life when so many others in life are existing under such ghastly circumstances.  If society cannot find ways to help the least fortunate in life there is no way for contentment levels for anyone to reach their potential. But let us ignore the forest for now and focus on the trees. 

Rule #1: Do not be a pest to others, especially those in the midst of their productive years. Find ways to amuse yourself, not depend on others to entertain you. This includes offspring, friends, neighbors—oh, just anyone else at all. More older people whine about being ‘ignored’ than any other subject. You want to go places—go.You want to eat out for a particular kind of meal—go. You want to visit museums, nature spots, stores, whatever——go. If people really want your company for whatever reason, they will be the ones asking you to do this or that. Too many parents bribe their kids for company via paying for meals, trips, house payments, etc. The message is always clear enough—these treats come with a demand for social interaction. There is never any healthy interaction based on created guilt. The truth is the parents supported their kids for like two decades and if the offspring do the right thing they will try to repay their parents in time or treats if they are at all appreciative. If they aren’t appreciative, they just aren’t, and the parents can’t make them. If the kids had been raised well, then the parents did the right thing, and doing the right thing always generates satisfaction in the person doing the right thing. 

If it is our nature to be socially active, then we need find groups who are also looking for social interactions. We should never act like friends do not change over time or become more distant from us for varied reasons. If they really miss us or want to continue the interaction they will visit us, call us, or email us lot etc. If they don’t, it is rude and useless to visit them, call them constantly, or email them endlessly. As we have the right to spend our current days with whomever we choose to, so do others. There is no right or wrong here, no reason to blame anyone. What benefit you gained from former good friends—the good memories—will always be there and be part of the bricks which built your own life into a beautiful temple. Gratitude is what you owe friends from the past, not endless irritation that they are no longer a part of your current life. You can never, for sure, ever really go home again. How many times do we go to a reunion of some sort and come away disappointed that things are no longer what they once were. Are there exceptions to all this? Of course, but the exceptions are rare. 

We should never force ourselves to be a part of a ‘democratic’ group in which our own interests and preferences will forever be ignored while a majority consensus is used to decide matters at hand. We will rarely be satisfied, and the majority will make sure we understand just what the reality will always be. We need always remember that we are entitled in our terminational years to do the things WE want and others are entitled to do the things THEY want. So if we need group interactions we need find groups in which WE are part of the majority who rule group actions. If we can learn to do things on our own it just makes things a lot more simple. And best of all, it makes everyone happy. Well, at least it should and if others are mad because we care not to dance to their tune all the time, well, that is their problem. We should never make it ours. 

Rule #2

We terminational oldsters should do whatever we want within the limits of the Golden Rule. If we can’t do this, then we can never achieve much contentment since the Golden Rule is essentially the genetic basis for human ethics. It is a universal ethical principle found in all human societies. Unethical people will never reach very high contentment levels in their life. In our terminational years we finally have the time to do many of the things we never had the time to do in our productive years. So we should now do them.

Rule #3

Whatever success we managed to achieve in life has to be shared with the least fortunate. This is part of the Golden Rule. Remember, the playing fields of life are never level. They simply cannot be for the evolutionary process to proceed. Diversity breeds progress. God’s laws which govern the process are about progress for the process, not laws which exist to be overruled by any insistence by us to be excused from the laws because of inherited religion, our environment, prayers, rituals, personality, physical traits, or mental acumen. For life to be fair at all, those who, for example, are not the sharpest knives in the drawer, need assistance from those who are. That is the neat thing about the evolutionary process. Humans have the ability, both individually and collectively, to make life more palatable for the less fortunate. This human trait is clearly not fully developed yet, albeit there has been improvement over human history, and no doubt this improvement will continue, exactly how rapidly or after how many temporary setbacks is unknowable.  Evolutionary advancements have sometimes been stalled for millions of years. But the advancements have always come, not on our time scale, but on God’s time scale. When we make every effort to reach our own ethical potential we achieve contentment.  Here is a very simple example. Once, late at night I was trying to get someplace in the city. I asked directions from a young man who looked the perfect caricature of someone not to engage with in any fashion. He was young, with a bandana wrapped around his head, pants hanging down, tattoos, and the perfect gangsta look. His goal was clearly to let everyone else know, don’t mess with him. I, of course, looked just the opposite, albeit not dressed up too fancy. It is probably best in city situations, to look more like you have already been mugged. At any rate, he seemed startled I spoke to him and taken aback that I would ask him for directions. He managed to mumble some directions and off I headed.  I hadn’t gotten two blocks away when he came running up behind me. “Uh oh” I thought, “Is he coming after me?”  But he stopped and exclaimed, “Hey man, I told you wrong, you need go the other direction, my bad.” “Well,” I replied, “you are being very kind to me and I appreciate it”.  His smile was genuine and I could see he was proud of himself. He knew, for whatever reason, he did the right thing and this gave him some temporary contentment. Now, if he could just learn that the goal in life was not to get everyone to fear him, but to like him, he would go so much further. But I guess in his environment, living meant ensuring no one ever messed with him. Sad.

At any rate, in our terminational years we need find some way to help the least fortunate. Depending on our own situation this might involve time, direct assistance personally, or spending our excess money on charitable organizations set up to help the least fortunate. Simply put, being a pest to others generates frustration and disappointment, helping those least fortunate generates contentment. None of us got as far as we got in life without good genetics, our environment, and endless help from others. What goes around comes around, and for those of us who have received much, much is demanded. The worst thing we can do is sit around and watch our material wealth get piled higher and higher, then give it all to our offspring or friends, who in most cases, are hardly the least fortunate in life. The reality of life is that once raised, humans are expected to be on their own. This hardly means parents like their offspring less, but the healthiest relationship for both parents and offspring is to cut the financial apron strings. That is the only fair way, the only responsible way, and the only way the least fortunate in life can ever find enough help to get the playing fields more level. It seems most of us understand, at least to some level, that those offspring who have been ‘over parented’ and ‘overprotected’ have been done a great disservice. Strangely, those parents who themselves had to struggle so hard to so slowly better their situation in life, are often the same parents who swear “my kids are not going to have it so rough”, and with this mentality deprive their kids of ever achieving the needed level of personal responsibility.  Real contentment comes from within, never imposed from without. 

Rule #4 

Trying to make everyone like you is not only disingenuous, but self-destructive. We are, in fact, by the laws of nature, distinct individuals. We can only be a notable ‘somebody’ if we stay true to ourselves within the confines of the Golden Rule. To be different is natural. It is the only way any of us can make a contribution to the future. Where would the evolutionary process be if everyone succeeded in being just like every other member of the species? The differences get sorted out, one way or another, and progress prevails, not overnight, but over eons of time. We are not different in the sense we can express our differences like a bull in a china shop, but by painfully learning how to be different without being destructive to others, and in return, learning to appreciate the diversity of others. If we cannot do this, we cannot be contented to any degree. Those who learn to so much love mirror reflections of themselves are destined for a frustrating, anger filled life. ‘Fair is fair’ eventually prevails, justice for all progresses, and humanity moves a step higher on the evolutionary ladder. 

In our terminational years we have the time, and past experiences, to sort out what life is about and how everyone fits into the evolutionary picture. In addition, we may not really know a damn thing about God regarding any particulars, but we do know that where there is a gift, there is a gift giver. So we don’t waste time constructing a God to fit our own image, but understand as much about life as we can, free of faith based self serving tripe. If we cannot know everything, we can at least be honest about what we do not know. To pretend to know what we do not know is illusionary knowledge which, of course, is not knowledge at all. 

Rule #5

We are all best served in our terminational years by reflecting on our blessings over the years including those who made such blessings possible, and then sharing these blessings with those less fortunate. Those who expect us to share our material wealth with them rather than the less fortunate, whether they be offspring or friends, are hardly friends or grateful offspring if this is the price dictated for a good relationship with them. When I was young I had the best friends possible and we never spent any time buying each other presents.  There is hardly any greater gift a parent can give a child than to raise a child properly with the best effort possible under the circumstances. Having done that, monetary responsibility to the child ceases and responsibility to those less fortunate supersedes.  After all, being a responsible citizen as a bus driver, is not a tragedy requiring parental input of cash for them to live a more lavish life.  Not paying bus drivers a living wage is another matter, and a collective societal failure, not a parental failure.

Rule #6

In our termination years we need reflect, reflect, reflect—to put all the pieces of the puzzle about life together as some sort of final understanding of ourselves, others, and the world in which we live. To the extent we can put it together, as best we are able to put it together, we will achieve some contentment. If we have reached our terminational stage of life, then been there, done that—prevails—and we are not going to enrich our life by pretending we need be there and do that again. We are better served letting go and moving on. Every day of our terminational years is a day best served by achieving some progress on our own final understanding of life. For the human species, understanding is an important goal in life. We cannot understand if we will not make the effort to learn. Children are expected to mature, and to the extent they do, they become a more productive citizen.  A person in their terminational years is best served by creating a reflective and peaceful life situation, in which they find solace and contentment in what is really the summary phase of life. Those terminational stage souls who seek new adventures, excitement, competition, domination, power, more money, more social recognition, more attention from others, and continued involvement in the ‘rat race’ are in for a frustrating and bitter terminational life. They are trying to swim upstream in vain. They try to be young again when they cannot. They try to be some sort of continued parent again when they cannot. They put demands on others which is as unfair as it is futile. They try, in so many ways, to go home again, and they simply cannot. The past is no where to be found. What once was, is no longer. What is left is the opportunity to put-together their own personal perspective of life as they lived it and now understand it—a sort of final picture of life from all the pieces of life they accumulated over their lifespan. 

Rule #7

Fear of death is a really pervasive and crippling mental state. Everyone of us, if we know anything, know we are going to die. Death is as natural and universal aspect of life as anything can possibly be. Of course we would all like to be the most good looking person in the world, but all but one of us is not, and so we move on, unless we are total fools. And we all would not like to die, but we will, and if we cannot accept this, and insist on fearing this, then our terminational years will be increasingly dominated by this fear. Some will even try to put all this on God and insist it is only God Who decides when anyone dies. Of course, if they believe this, the endless prayers commence, always some sort of “not yet God”. To have such an absurd belief is really weird. This would mean when some child gets brutally raped and murdered, this was all God’s decision and intent. We dismiss it all with some sort of banal “God moves in mysterious ways”. Perhaps it is they who think in mysterious ways. In any kind of sane world, each individual would, to the extent possible, have control over their own dying process. If an individual reaches the point where they want to end their own life, they should be allowed to do it in a painless way, after reasonable legal guidelines are met. If someone does not want to live another 6 months or decades under some sort of condition in which life is not bearable for them, why the hell should they have to? To please who? For what reason?  Exactly who gave them the right to control someone else’s dying process?

Rule # 8

Establish a good relationship with a quality doctor and medical facility. Maintaining good health is an important part of having a successful terminational phase of life. 

When you have health questions go to Google, put in the questions or area followed by Mayo Clinic, and almost always you will get some excellent advice about the condition or what is a healthy practice or source of food, etc. There are many excellent medical centers in the country but Mayo Clinic does the best job of sharing their combined vast knowledge with the public via the internet. While most ‘health nuts’ eat well and exercise, they often waste a lot of money on anecdotal medicine. Keeping weight down is of primary importance as are controlling lipid levels, and exercising joints. In the terminational years forget power workouts and stressful activities on joints. Stretching exercises and lot’s of walking or mild swimming are the best exercises. Never miss a chance to walk more steps. The idea is to keep the body toned a bit, and joints limbered up, not to stress them unduly. We do have hip, knee and other joint replacements now but why would we want to rush into any of that?

Rule #9

Maintain a good sense of humor. Don’t sweat the small stuff. At the terminational stage of life it is all small stuff. What others are doing is theatre for us and keep it that way. Go with the majority on most matters, let others, especially the next generation, run the show. That is the way it should be. I never have any suggestions concerning how things should be at the condo where I live. Let those in the productive phase of their life determine all that. If I don’t like it at some point I can move. After a certain age most are not overly interested in what old people think or want. And they shouldn’t be. A younger generation is in charge now. 

Rule #10

Find delight in simple things. During the ‘rat race’ years, life can be complicated, with high end emotional states day after day, time pressures, family crises pressures, competitive pressures, peer clashes, and any number of strains on your survival skills. But those are the years when we are best able to handle all these kind of things, and we get to enjoy endless excitement while enduring losses. This is not what anyone needs in their terminational years. What is needed in this phase of life, for most people, is some financial security in an atmosphere of peace and quiet. Location is important. Don’t live isolated out in the hills somewhere nor right in the middle of a major city. There are exceptions to this however. Live in a nice suburb near a commuter train station to the city. Senior citizens get reduced fares on trains and buses, so if we want to go to something in the city we will find it convenient and inexpensive. In a suburb we have access to endless eating establishments and parks and places to shop. I, for example, live right in a condominium where the days of having endless yard work and house projects are over. Each day is then available to do exactly what I want. 

A caveat to all this:  I once took a methods course for teaching science. The professor called on me to explain the best method to teach a certain concept in science. I replied there was no best method. He exploded, asked me what I thought he was there for, and why would I make such a ignorant statement? I replied that if we listed the ten best instructors in our life, they would not all have the same teaching method. I got a D in the methods course, but fortunately that professor went on sabbatical the next semester and I got an  A in practice teaching from a different instructor.  There is obvious truth to the reality that different people often accomplish a task with a way that fits their own personality and talents to achieve similar successful outcomes. Thus, there is no best way to teach, no best way to coach, no best way to be a good teammate, no best painting, no best song, no best kind of music—and of course not, since diversity is one of the cornerstones of evolutionary progress. The 10 rules above can only be food for thought, and measured against every person’s unique being. For the most part, it is never too smart, in the long run, or in the matter of personal contentment, to be someone you are not. We are, in the last analysis, only constricted to fit in when what we are doing does not conform to the Golden Rule.  Only when we learn to appreciate diversity and it’s role in the evolutionary process can we ever find any degree of contentment in our lives. 

You Can Never Go Home Again

You Can Never Go Home Again

This phrase has always stuck with me as one of the most insightful understandings of life. Defining it, however, becomes just another aspect of human life that is hard to define or explain.  We have had, after all is said and done, with more said than done, many homes. The womb was, I guess, our first home. But then we didn’t know enough or maybe anything at all, and so that home becomes a forgettable part of our past. Memory is not like sex, we can’t really remember our first thought. And neither, ironically, will we remember our last thought either. The dead don’t remember. 

Another saying goes “Home is where the heart is. Love is where the home is.”  But good luck defining home, giving the heart any sort of mental status, and defining love. Our heart does not think or feel, we love many things in many different ways, and home is another vague concept. Physically, home is the body in which we live. Yet this home changes throughout life. None of the organs inside are the same at different ages and neither is our personality, our priorities, our emotional state, our memories, our friends, our adversaries, our fears, our hopes, our skills, our interests, our confidence level, our goals, our commitments, our ethical state, our personalities, and so on. Absolutely everything about us is always changing, everything about others is always changing, everything about our environment changes, everything about our health changes, and every day, to varying degrees, is a new day for whatever the ‘us’ of the moment is.  No wonder we go through life in some sort of daze. 

Complicating all this is the endless effort to be important in the evolutionary process of which we are realistically of so little importance. The process may be absolutely astounding and impressive, but our own significance will always be delusional. It is easy enough to comprehend that God exists, but only so far as where there is a gift, there is a gift giver. When someone implies they have direct communication with God Himself I always want to press the issue with them and ask “exactly what does God say to you?”  If all the people who say God communicates with them, directly or via an inherited bible, or endless prayers, are telling the truth—then God is quite multi-faced. Shame on God, telling one group one thing and another group another thing. “C’mon God, just whisper to me the real dope on life, slip me the real word of God, preferably properly notarized.” 

Every single day of our life we wake up and take a leap into the unknown. It is really little wonder that so many elderly cannot be prodded to be more adventurous, go here and there, have new experiences, visit new places, new people, new cultures, new environments, and add some excitement to their lives, visit ‘old friends’, get out and about. Alas, in most cases, all the things they once were so enthused about they no longer are enthused about, and most of what they do mange to go to, is done more dutifully, than excitedly. The objects of this duty could be grandchildren, old friends, church attendance, social occasions like weddings, birthdays, anniversaries, reunions, sport events, and so on. I can remember telling my dad, when he was older, “Why don’t you travel some, go places, see new things?”  And his reply was simply “What for”?  I once suggested he and my mother use a tape recorder to talk about their lives from youth to old age as a means for others to remember more about them. His reply was, “Have you ever been to a cemetery? There are no crowds crowded around old tombstones with shared recollections of the dead. When you are dead you are dead, and after one generation the memories of almost everyone is vanished from the earth.” 

Much of life is not something we really want to dwell on or remember at all. We don’t, more often than not, really want to ‘go home again’. Even good memories turn sad in that they are long gone, never to be repeated again. They really are gone, whether they be experiences or persons. The other night I inadvertently watched a Neflix documentary about an early victim of AIDS whose life was video-taped from the onset of his infection until his death. He was actually part of some TV show about a varied group of young people who lived together for months so their interactions could be video taped. I regret watching the tape. It brought back memories of a train ride way back probably in the late 70’s in which I saw this small newspaper clipping about a doctor in San Francisco who was claiming some sort of new deadly disease seemed to be infecting young people and was being transmitted sexually. As one of the instructors in a team taught Pathophysiology course, it hit me like a hammer over the head—like wow, if this is true what kind of crisis is about to descend on us? This would be just another way for people to let sex ruin their lives. Enough people do that without a deadly disease for a consequence. And a deadly disease to boot, which destroys your immune system and leaves the victim to waste away and be tormented by a body ravaged by all sorts of infections.  It would be the worst of all possible nightmares to endure. Of course the doctor turned out to be right, and my professional obligation was to follow all this closely. I did with the obligate seminars and lectures on the disease.  Not all that long after that, I noticed a young man in my Pathophysiology course who seemed to look less well week after week, physically and mentally. He was a handsome eager beaver type of student, the kind who had so much going for himself.  He was, I suspected, dying right before my eyes from AIDS. Back then it wasn’t even yet known by the name AIDS.  And not knowing what he knew or didn’t know about a condition for which, at the time, there was no known cure or treatment, I said nothing. 

The student came to my office one day and apologized for missing some classes and pleaded with me not to drop him from the class for nonattendance. I didn’t press him at all, simply told him to attend when he could and take care of his health. When people are petrified the eyes reflect it. The young man was scared to death and terrified, with no understanding of what was a going on. He thanked me, left, and a few moments later he came back in and asked me, on the verge of tears: “Why are you doing this for me”?  The question caught me off guard, and I could not bring myself to say “Because you are dying.” So I simply said I am paid to cooperate with students.  He came to a few more lectures, looked really worse day after day, and finally stopped coming to class at all. I did, of course, have access to his phone number and home address. The decent thing to do would have been to visit him BUT I didn’t know what he knew, or what the doctors were telling him, or what his family knew or their mental state, and besides, I barely knew the student. No one should have to go through what he was clearly going through. What would I say to him, and anything I might say would be of little relief and risk the chance of saying the wrong thing for the situation. So I never did anything and it became another incident we all probably have had, where we did nothing when something should have been attempted. It would not be the last time I let go when there appeared to be no health, career, or economic saving solution. If there is a Hell I guess we can get there a lot of different ways. 

Hopeless tragedies to anyone are not situations which I handle particularly well. It is almost like tragedies far outnumber celebratory events in life. Bad things keep happening to the best of people, and getting too close, too often to these situations, sticks in our minds so forcefully that contentment about life gets damaged. It may be reality but reality is often painful. That may well be why, when I retired, I keep tragedy at arm’s length and no longer deal with it up close. For me, I can only deal with it by financially supporting those organizations which help those less fortunate. In other words I might give as much money as I can to an organization like Doctor’s without Borders, but I am not going to volunteer to be on the front line. At a younger age I dealt with enough of it, way too often, and like so many things, enough is enough. I don’t mind sacrificing excessive material things in life to help others less fortunate at all.  At an older age it is about the only thing which gives real meaning to my own life, to share my own good fortune with others. Contentment never comes  by being a total parasite and locking up all your assets in a genetic cabal. No major prophet in religious history ever called economic genetic cabals ethical.  

Eerie moments in life often get remembered.  Like the time I watched my parents shuffle into an airport en route back home after a visit. It was simply melancholic to realize this could be the last time I would see them walk together ever again. Every time I see life fade from the eyes of a pet being put down I feel a good bit of me is dying too. Gathering with friends who were once such a big part of my life is depressing in that times have changed to the point they are no longer hardly any part of my current life. Change and the adventures of new experiences tend to become resented, and seen for what they really are, the means to which old friends and experiences are pushed further and further into irrelevancy. So little in life really lasts, and we begin to understand that we have been like:

“Ships that pass in the night, and speak each other in passing,

Only a signal shown and a distant voice in the darkness;

So on the ocean of life we pass and speak one another,

Only a look and a voice, then darkness again and a silence.”  (Wordsworth)

Too many people, religious organizations, political organizations, business organizations, social organizations, etc. lose effectiveness simply because they cannot let go of the past and embrace the present. Many parents, offspring, friends, and all the organizations listed above simply cannot let go. Parents still want to be parents when they are no longer parents, children want to be supported when should be supporting themselves, friends want to act like the treasured and intimate cohorts in life they once were, but no longer are, religious zealots want to pretend scripture written in a different age must be right in it’s entirety for our current age, but parts of it are absurd for the current age, and of course, for so many people and organizations, the old ways will always be the best ways. Chasing the past hardly prepares anyone or any group to achieve contentment in the present. The disappointment in those who chase the past is palpable and self-destructive. 

It is not uncommon for older people like myself to opt for the quiet and peace that comes with changed priorities is life.  New personal encounters, adventures, excitement and so on simply have less value. Been there, done that, has some truth. If we are fortunate enough to have arrived at our terminational phase of life with good health and financial security, then we really have only two obligations at this stage of life: to be ever so grateful for our own good fortune (which is by far more good fortune than any pompous self earned attitude) and to share our good fortune with the least fortunate in life.  The terminational years are better enjoyed with simplicity over complexity, relaxation over turmoil, resistance to any competitiveness with others over anything, enjoying the remaining years as theatre rather than participating in any more rat races, a philosophical state of mind over our own lives and life in general as opposed to front line crusading over anything, and the ability to see humor in just about all matters. After all, we had our chances to be important, to outmaneuver others, to achieve monetary gain, to find love, sex, titles, victories, power, justice, and so on—often to the point of exhaustion, and if we still are standing at the end of our productive years, we have earned a period of rest and peace and contentment. No one can give us contentment, no amount of piled up materialism can bring us contentment, no titles or positions of power can bring contentment by themselves. Contentment always comes from within and it always a mix of justice, appreciation, fairness, good luck, and our developed ethical potential (the Golden Rule). 

The terminational years can be selfish years. When our productive years end the race is over, any success has been finalized and we are all entitled to find our personal niche for peace and contentment within the guidelines of the Golden Rule. The Golden Rule is applicable our entire life, while a lot of other duties and responsibilities end with our productive years. We are, in our terminational years, all old warriors, and like all life on earth, we never die. Every living cell today came from other living cells—just like the sperm and egg which became us themselves came from other living cells, and so on for infinity. So we never really die, we just fade away, or maybe more accurately, give way to another generation of life. The phrase ‘there is no I in team” is rather overblown, but probably does fit for the evolutionary process.

Relevant quotations:

'Somewhere along the way someone is going to tell you, 'There is no "I" in team.'   What you should tell them is, 'Maybe not.  But there is an "I" in independence, individuality and integrity.'  George Carlin (American humorist)

"You can't go back home  to your family---

to a young man's dream of fame and glory

to the country cottage away from strife and conflict

to the father you have lost

to the old forms and systems of things which seemed everlasting but are changing at the time."

Thomas Wolfe (American novelist)

"After a while you learn the subtle difference

Between holding a hand and chaining a soul,

And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning

And company doesn't mean security,

And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts

And presents aren't promises,

And you begin to accept your defeats

With your head up and your eyes open,

With the grace of an adult, not the grief of a child,

And learn to build all your roads

On today because tomorrow's ground

Is too uncertain for plans, and futures have

A way of falling down in mid-flight.

After a while you learn that even sunshine

Burns if you get too much. 

So you plant your own garden and decorate

Your own soul, instead of waiting 

For someone to bring you flowers.

And you learn that you really can endure...

That you really are strong

And you really do have worth.

And you learn and learn....

With every goodbye you learn."     Unknown

"God is a circle whose center is everywhere and whose circumference is nowhere". Empedocies (Greek philosopher )

"It is not so much God who created Man in His own image, as every one of us who creates unto himself a God in his own image." Unknown.

"No one can walk backward into the future." Hoseph Hergesheimer (American writer)

"New times demand new measures and new men;

The world advances, and in time outgrows

The laws which in our 'fathers' day were best."  James Russell Lowell (American Poet)

"The worst deluded are the self-deluded. C.N. Bovee (19th century author)

"I am arguing that science can, in principle, help us understand what we should do and should want---and therefore, what other people should do and should want in order to live the best lives possible." Sam Harris (neuroscientist)

"Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored." Aldous Huxley (English Writer)

"If we want life, we must conquer darkness." J. T. Fields (American editor, publisher, and poet)

"The principles now implanted in thy bosom will grow, and one day reach maturity; and in that maturity thou wilt find thy Heaven or thy Hell." D. Thomas (American Agricultural writer)

"The more a man lays stress on false possessions, and the less sensitivity he has for what is essential, the less satisfying is his life."  Carl Gustav Jung (Swiss psychologist, psychiatrist)

"Wealth, after all, is a relative thing, since he that has little, and wants less, is richer than he that has much, and wants more." C. C. Colton (English Cleric and Writer)

"The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat."  Unknown

"I have to live with myself, and so

I want to be fit for myself to know;

I want to be able as days go by,

Always to look myself straight in the eye."  Edgar A. Guest  (English born American poet)

"He does not possess wealth; it possesses him." Benjamin Franklin (American author, printer, politician, scientist)

"Millions long for immortality who don't know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon."  Susan Ertz. (British Fiction Writer and novelist)

"We're all in this alone." Lily Tomlin (American actress, comedienne)

"The man who follows the crowd will usually get no further than the crowd. The man who walks alone is likely to find himself in places no one has ever been before.  Creativity in living is not without its attendant difficulties, for peculiarity breeds contempt. And the unfortunate thing about being ahead of your time is that when people finally realize you were right, they'll say it was obvious all along. You have two choices in life: you can dissolve into the mainstream, or you can be distinct. To be distinct, you must be different. To be different, you must strive to be what no one else but you can be."  Alan Ashley -Pitt.  (Western Film)

"In this world it is not what we take up, but what we give up, that makes us rich."  H.W. Beecher  (American clergyman, abolitionist)

"I think religion is often very different from spirituality.  Religion is often about rules and people trying to control our lives who are actually very unspiritual.....God can be found anywhere, and in fact, everywhere. And you don't necessarily need a religious dogma to get you to spirituality."  Darren Aronosfsky  (American film director)

"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment."  Ralph Waldo Emerson (American essayist and poet)

"I think the reward for conformity is that everyone likes you except yourself." Rita Mae Brown (American writer)

"I won't tell you that the world matters nothing, or the world's voice, or the voice of society.  They matter a good deal.  They matter far too much.  But there are moments when one has to choose between living one's own life, full, entirely, completely---or dragging out some false, shallow, degrading existence that the world in its hypocrisy demands.  You have that moment now.  Choose!"  Oscar Wilde (Irish writer and poet). 

"Self reliance grows by exercising it, as a muscle grows strong by its use. Dependence on others creates weakness, which in turn calls for more dependence---a vicious circle which brings failure."  (unknown)

"Associate with the noblest people you can find; read the best books; live with the mighty.   But learn to be happy alone.  Rely upon your own energies, and so not wait for, or depend on other people." Thomas Davidson (Scottish-American philosopher)

"Nothing can bring your peace but yourself.  Nothing can bring you peace but the triumph of principles." Ralph Waldo Emerson (American essayist and poet)