Holidays---By an Affluent Hermitic Orphan
This blog was set up originally simply as a file deposit for musings which I sent out to friends. Somehow a lot of people managed to find the URL, and that is ok. Since the blogs were not originally meant for general distribution most have not been carefully edited. I may go back now and do the proper editing. I have recently published a book titled: The Meaning of Life. Anyone interested can find it listed in Amazon.com under the author name Reid S. James. There is a description of the content along with the listing. It was published in late October 2013. Any income from the book will be donated to various 501 category charities. Given the nature of the book, to do otherwise would be hypocritical. Given the original intent of this URL I have never provided an opportunity for any response to these musings. I think I will leave it that way as I don't have the time for a lot of responding to comments by others. These musings are written as food for thought, and do not purport to be anything other than what the blog implies: personal musings. Were I to personally know many of you who visit this URL I sense we would have a lot of engaging conversations. There are too many now for that to be practical.
Holidays---By an Affluent Hermitic Orphan
Note: (Musing follows)
Author Notes about this Blog
Holidays---By an Affluent Hermitic Orphan
The Devil made me title this in such a pitiable framework. I suppose technically I am an orphan since I have no living parents, siblings, or offspring. But at 73, that hardly places one in the same category as a child left adrift in a cruel unfair world. As for any hermit-like tendencies, this a a self acquired cultivated trait, more a gift to others than any received imposed punishment for assorted personal inadequacies. And, of course, a hermitic orphan without modest economic affluence would paint a picture of a different ilk.
Anyone remotely familiar with me is well aware that I decline to spend any holidays with other people's relatives, people that I will never, or seldom, ever see again, or large gatherings of any sort. A good holiday to me is better spent cocooned in an appreciative pensive state that makes me feel more in touch with this awesome adventure called life. While life is awesome, most everything else associated with life is merely interesting clutter. People abuse the word awesome.
Most of my life has been fast paced, intense, competitive and educational, with limited manageability or predictability, which included a lot of real highs and real lows---I guess just a typical life in it's productive stage. Retirement is a different ball game. Thus, when holidays approach I am well suited to make sure the atmosphere for me is devoid of stress, meaningless chit chat, assorted family tensions/posturing, inane gift exchanges between individuals who hardly are in need of any gift, and squabbles over endless and pointless aspects of any holiday activities.
A good holiday, to me, is peaceful, stress free, relaxing---with the freedom to indulge in exactly the kind of food and activities and memories of my choice, all depending on my mood at the moment. A lot of life, in retrospect, is unreal and any reflection on it's particulars always reminds me of just how many others I never properly thanked for their influence and kindnesses to me so many times. This is probably kind of common. We never intend to be helped, and never properly thank anyone for the help, it just sort of happens, and all of a sudden the person just is no longer a daily part of our life anymore---for any number of reasons. I may have no interest anymore in chatting with people I don't know or will never, or rarely, see again, but I have strong regrets that so many important people of the past are no longer alongside me for any more interactions---and that includes pets. In the quiet of a solitary and peaceful holiday, my thoughts tend to drift back to these important people and pets of the past. There is no sadness as penetrating as the realizations that they are gone forever. I know some pretend they will meet all these people again in some sort of hereafter, but I sense that is a pretty desperate expectation. All aspects of our lives are always followed by an ending, sooner or later.
My endless thoughts about others during a holiday are never depressing or teary eyed, but definitely melancholic in a strange uplifting sort of way. It always gets me filled with gratitude for all those positive and supportive major players who were part of my past. It also makes it easier to part with my own monetary gains which are placed in a personal charitable Fund titled FANAFI (Find A Need and Fill It). I cannot repay those who made life easier or more accomplished for me, but I can at least be sure a good portion of any monetary gains and personal blessings can be directed to those others most in need of a more level playing field. "What goes around comes around".
For those with immediate relatives, holidays are a family day. Since family situations vary all over the place, so do holiday festivities. For nuclear families, those whose members have not dispersed, or become independent, holidays are hardly exciting events. And today, with all the communication gadgets, some family members are in contact with each other endlessly--every day, several times a day, regarding just about any movement by anyone over any matter, no matter how inane or dull the matter might be. For these families, holidays are just another day with one catch: there is often the contentious or labored discussion over whose side of the family is going to get-together where and just how inclusive the gathering will be. In most families, there are tension points of various degrees over various matters. So many of these gatherings are exercises in tippy toeing around potential land mines. As a rule of thumb somebody is going to be irritating someone in some way or fashion.
It is not uncommon, these days, for families to be rather dispersed all over the country. So a holiday gathering does become something special and expensive. My mother had like 7 siblings. Some uncles and aunts had to travel some distance, and I remember some in-laws complaining (in private) that no one ever travels to see them, that they always have to travel to see the others. Then there were the single relatives. I have a cousin, a kind soul, who has spent her lifetime celebrating the lives of others. She was always dutifully traveling all over the place showing up with gifts for every celebratory occasion---birthdays, weddings, anniversaries, graduations---whatever. I don't recall anyone ever celebrating any aspect of her life, but then perhaps this reflects my ignorance on the matter. The point here is that given the diverse personalities of any sizable family, holidays can be a huge time bomb just waiting to explode. Fortunately, most of the shots are taken after the gathering, in private conversations.
In many cases the immediate family holiday gatherings are sustained only as long as the parents are still alive, then the nature of the gatherings often shifts to new family units. Any gift giving involved is a sight to behold. Who should get who something, and at what expense, has always been a exercise of mystery to me.
I know when my family drifted to each stating what kind of gift they would like from each other, right down to the make, the model, the color, etc. I simply rebelled at a relatively young age by simply stating I was no longer buying anyone in the family gifts for any occasion. Okay, I know, how obnoxious can that be? But what is the purpose? No one needed anything unless it was a very expensive item, so to me it was all needless fiddling around for no purpose. Some people really do enjoy buying presents for others and that is fine, but leave me out of the loop. For the most part gifts should be given to those in need, and if we all did more of that then the gifts would serve some purpose. Just treat everyone with respect and tolerance and let that be the gift. I had an uncle and aunt once who I never met, but every Christmas and birthday a present would arrive from them. My mother would insist I write a note to thank them but I wanted to write them and tell them to stop sending me these gifts. I think all family members should be given the option to participate in gift giving or not and that be the end and all of it.
There is always a danger visiting anyone on a holiday with kids or pets. Some parents encourage the kids to go play amongst themselves while other parents expressly insist that their kids not go off to themselves, that this would be rude.
Some, like myself, are emotionally and mentally challenged when it comes to entertaining young children or other people's pets for any length of time. Frankly, I resent being enticed over to someone's house to babysit their kids or entertain their pets. Playing some child's game of some sort for hours is not my idea of fun, nor is having to play with, and pet someone's pet for hrs on end. When I come through the door and a pet or child appears I get defensive right away. If I pet the dog or pay attention to a child there is no way to know what the consequences will be. "Rover really likes you, don't worry about damaging the couch, he loves to bring his toys and wrestle with you over possession". Or, "Little Martha, show him all the different toys you got for Christmas. Maybe he will play the Elfie the Elephant game with you after he plays Batman with little Ernie." It is always wise to have a good array of potential excuses why one can't stay very long. My parents were rather social by nature, and I learned to hate being dragged along---and my only defense was to make them leery about bringing me, i.e Dennis the Menace. No parent deserves a kid like me. Being a successful parent ought to be the fastest route to Sainthood.
Spending a holiday in solitude, for me, is very therapeutic. I eat well---relax, and let my mind wander down memory lane. So many people, so many events, so many close calls, so many pluses that out weigh the negatives, and I feel a healthy sadness for so many past 'associates', some of whom---while genuinely admirable souls---never seemed to get the right cards in their hand to succeed. I've witnessed some tragic sights in my life, and failed my share of efforts to help others. These are sobering memories, and a reminder that the wheel of fortune does not always land where it should. I am always wondering what ever happened to so and so? I think most everyone does, especially former teachers. I guess holidays help me recharge my conscience, raise my level of gratitude for others past, and enable me to proceed in life more adequately prepared for whatever. And whatever is for sure.
