I wrote this back in March 2002 before this blog. It is one of my favorites so wanted to get it put on here with a few changes.
I know what is the matter with the world. It finally has come to me. So I am going to share this finding with you. It's THINGS, that's what the matter with this whole world. Everyone wants THINGS and then more THINGS, until it becomes a universal obsession to acquire more and more THINGS, independent of any real need, irrespective of any negative impact on future generations, and independent of any moral imperative to share all these THINGS with others, unless it is our own family----then it is a high priority to pass on all our THINGS to them, lest they are not too good at acquiring THINGS and need help accumulating more THINGS.
Acquiring THINGS has always been a priority. It helps define how important you are. But in the past there were not that many THINGS to acquire, the game was simpler and certainly not as time consuming. I think if you gave me a month I probably would not be able to identify all the THINGS I would like to have just for the asking. Maybe the greatest reason to go off and live in the hills is to escape the obsession for THINGS. Like dry out and recuperate. Some times it is painful to go into a store. I may go in contented, not to the point of purring like Keisha my cat, maybe with just a vacant-minded Texan smile, but after I get in the store I suddenly realize I need THINGS, more THINGS, even if just newer models. There I am, face to face, with a new THING or a bigger THING, or a more complicated THING, or a neater looking THING, or some THING that my neighbor has that I don't. I then realize I too can have that THING. But truthfully, the excitement of acquiring the THING is nothing like, when as a kid, I got an inexpensive THING. Even a new car worth tens of thousands of dollars is only mildly exciting for a couple of weeks and then it is just another car, a THING to get from here to there.
Americans seem to be the best at acquiring THINGS, and now we have learned that we don't really have to do anyTHING to get THINGS---not hard labor, or invent anyTHING, or produce ANYTHING, or fix THINGS, or build THINGS---just speculate on THINGS or inherit THINGS. The new wealthy class of people, in most cases, get there today by simply speculating on stocks/other THINGS, or THINGS via the graveyard. Unfortunately, most of the THINGS we seek require the expenditure of natural resources and energy fuels. Since these these THINGs are available in limited quantity, everyone on this globe cannot have all the THINGS others do. It is not really a question of economic policy or the political structure of a government, there simply are not enough natural resources for everyone in the world to live in the THING-style most Americans live. In fact, us fortunate ones cannot have as many THINGS as we do unless we can buy THINGS cheap. Fortunately, those in other countries who have noTHING will work for next to noTHING so they can at least maybe have someTHING rather than noTHING, which gives us an abundance of cheap THINGS. These are the world's noTHING burgers.
In Lincoln's day up to 10 people lived together in a small one or two room cabin, about the size of a small modern garage. I wonder what their average 'happiness' quotient was compared to the average today? And really, suppose ten of us decided to live together in one of these 1820 homes, where would we put all our THINGS? If so many people, most all in the past, and billions today, have so few THINGS, what the hell do they do with their time? You know, like the millions who are homeless/landless or in refugee camps across the globe or live in our urban and rural ghettoes----who have so few THINGS----what the hell do they do with themselves all day? I guess they socialize with each other unless they are slave laborers, mostly earning non living wages, in which case they probably just work and sleep. I think, up to a point, that human socialization is inversely proportional to the number of THINGS you have. In fact, if you have a lot of THINGS then you really don't want a lot of people wandering among your THINGS, especially if fellow THING chasers haven't been vetted and you are not going to be present. After all, they are probably just like us and like THINGS a lot, and maybe like THINGS enough to take THINGS for themselves. THINGS come with a burden. THINGS need to be maintained and often fixed. THINGS need guarding. THINGS need space. THINGS wear out and need to be replaced. THINGS generate the need for more THINGS. THINGS get outdated and updated THINGS then are needed, and THINGS require our time to use. It doesn't make sense to acquire a THING and not spend time with it. Insanely, most of us now have so many THINGS that we can't spend time with all our THINGS and so most of our THINGS just pretty much sit there. We spend time storing THINGS we are not currently using until we eventually throw these THINGS out and replace them with new THINGS to be stored there. THING storage is a major THING in our THING lives. Who would want to suddenly fiddle with some old THING when there are so many new THINGS to fiddle with?
While things are obviously important to all of us, people with the most THINGS tend to be the least ones we enjoy visiting. In many cases it is the people with the least THINGS who have the greatest traffic in and out of their scarce THINGless abode. The most 'fun' people to be around usually don't have a lot of THINGS, at least compared to others. TO visit someone with a lot of THINGS usually requires a special event, a special invitation, and the best guarded conversation you can manage. Look, don't touch THINGS, and look especially awed as the grand tour of THINGS takes up most of the visit. When you get home you can scheme just how you too can acquire some of those THINGS you saw during the THING visit. Do you ever get the urge, while on the grand tour, to just start smashing some THINGS? I do, but a person of my stature has control of himself, except maybe my mouth and I can't smash THINGS with my mouth.
THINGS help you rise to become a THING of more importance in society. If you have enough THINGS then you become titled more and get to be Honorary members of this or that. A pile of THINGS will usually get you more visits from ministers or priests or rabbis and, as a person of THINGS, you will generate a crowd at social or business events who want to be known as a friend of Mr. or Ms. THING. Of course people with THINGS protect other people with THINGS, a kind of THING protection club. Those with a lot of THINGS will find an endless array of tax loopholes, tax breaks, tax incentives, tax refunds, tax deferments, tax shelters along with the finest lawyers THINGS can attract. Paying a lot of taxes on your THINGS is a dumb THING. There are other THINGS more important than the tax THING. And if you break the law, a most difficult THING for a person of many THINGS to ever be found guilty of---even murder---you will then be housed in a low risk, high THING content residential facility for high THING criminals. Crime for a high THING persons is rarely any big THING. Unregulated capitalism is defined by high THING capitalists as a good THING. During hard economic times the government will always find a way to give those with many THINGS more money so that they will then buy more THINGS and, according to the high intensity THING theory, wealth will then trickle down by diffusion. Just in case those with many THINGS decide to hoard money instead of buying THINGS during depressed times, low interest rates will then be available for people with few THINGS, so that they can purchase THINGS with no money down and no payments for these THINGS until the value of the purchased THINGS rise with better economic times, and then those THINGS will get foreclosed at bargain prices to those who already have many THINGS, including those THINGS the government gave them during the economic depression. So with time THINGS accumulate to those with the most THINGS until 1% of the people in the U.S. own 90% of the wealth n' THINGS. It is a kind of THING reproduction gone wild.
It is not love which makes the world go round. It is THINGS, and love is often enough a vehicle used for acquiring THINGS. Marrying up is a good THING if you like THINGS. Sometimes, it is like a smart monopoly move THING---the marriage only has to be a temporary THING, then half of the THINGS will be yours minus the former obligatory sex THING. THINGS drive almost everyTHING. Organized religion loves impressive THINGS, especially elaborate cathedrals, and many a congregation spends almost all their charitable efforts on contributing for building impressive glittering THINGS. Certainly God must like THINGS too and will be impressed. We don't build these THINGS because we like glittering THINGS, we build them because God will be grateful we have built him gigantic gilded THINGS---it is all there in scripture---I guess.
In the end THINGS can be a problem. Offspring or relatives usually have a keen interest in the THINGS of elderly relatives. Fortunately for those in their terminational years the value of THINGS to them often declines. Most of those who live to be old lose much of their interest in acquiring THINGS. THINGS no longer mean as much to them, and they often resist suggestions that they buy new or better THINGS. When pressed to buy this or that THING they invariably say, "What for"? The best value of THINGS to the elderly is the the slow distribution of THINGS to their relatives which can increase the frequency of visitations by these relatives. Once these kin express an interest in someTHING the elderly relative has, a visit will not be far behind. This increased visitation rate works best when there is competition for the THINGS. The down side is that nothing in life can succeed so well to break up a family as an inheritance battle over THINGS. Death, like it or not, admit it or not----is an unique opportunity to get THINGS for nothing, tax free usually, as opposed to getting things by working for them. Still, those who inherit THINGS of any quantity, rarely seem to achieve much on their own, or to seem particularly content about much of their inherited THINGS. It just seems, in most cases, that if one does not really earn someTHING, then that THING doesn't have the same THING value. And really, how much of the respect THING does anyone deserve whose THINGS are inherited THINGS?
In the end does any THING matter? Is an after life noTHING? Isn't faith and hope someTHING? I doubt God is a THING. At least no THING we can comprehend as a someTHING. Believing God created us, especially those other human THINGS in His image, seems a delusional THING. So, in the last analysis there are some THINGS beyond THINGS which human THINGS can know noTHING. I hope all of this is a perfectly clear THING.
