Each to His Own
Each month I struggle through this catalog from this discount book dealer to select books to read for the month. While I always find books to interest me, there are always a few which strike me with their absurdity---like who reads these books? The most ludicrous seem to be on what topic? You can certainly guess this.
Of course the answer is sex. Sex is always a sure source for humor. For all the importance of sex in our lives, there are precious few serious discussions about sex acts themselves in social conversations. No one asks another, "what kind of sex acts are your favorite? Tee Hee. See, the question itself is reduced to humor. It isn't just many sex acts themselves which are non discussable outside the context of laughter, but sexual attitudes themselves are pretty much isolated components of each person's life. Then when the word sin is thrown in, the whole topic becomes totally beyond reason. For a so called 'natural part of human nature' it reeks individually with a whole lot of unnaturalness. Whatever normal sexual practices and attitudes are, they are certainly undefinable by any logical means. How often, in what form, where, with whom, for what purpose are all shrouded in confusion, shame, ego, sin, legalities, secrecy, and ambivalence. For some, sex is no major part of their lives. For others, sex seems a major driving force in their lives. For those with the the most unusual sexual fetishes, the drive seems to be magnified---magnified to the extent they pursue these fetishes despite the reputation they risk if caught. Many a person has lost a career or marriage or friends over their sexual fetishes. We say sex is a private matter, but we hardly mean it. We may not be able to define exactly what impact a particular sexual behavior has on anybody else, but someone who likes to be tied up and hung from the ceiling during sex is not someone who should be President or School Principal or a Minister, etc. I mean enough is enough. But then what is enough and when is enough? Beats me. Nothing is logical about sex. Nothing. Despite the insistence of some, sex is not equate-able with reproduction. We understand reproduction, we understand almost nothing about sex. Some women engage in sex with strangers as a profession, just another day at the 'office', so to speak. Other women, forced to have sex with a stranger, are irreparably damaged psychologically. Some sell sex, not for money per act, but for a marriage license into wealth. Oh what a tangled web sex weaves.
But I have strayed badly here, like I often do with musings. Back to the list of books I select from each month. This month I made a note of some books which I really wonder why anyone would write the book and who buys the book? It tweaks my curiosity. It also makes me laugh. Maybe someone next door is buying one of these books. Maybe one of you. See, that is funny too. Real funny. You can tell me, I won't tell anyone----at least not right away, minus getting juiced up on something at a social gathering. Here are the books this month which caught my eye:
"A MIND OF ITS OWN: A CULTURAL HISTORY OF THE PENIS." This book is 358 pages long and "charts the vicissitudes of the relationship between a man and his penis". Why would anyone ever think of writing such a book and just from whom do they collect data to write 358 pages on the topic?
"THE BEDSIDE ORGASM BOOK: 365 DAYS OF SEXUAL ECSTASY." "Offers a mix of hot sexual techniques, spicy suggestions, and tips and tricks for solo and partner play in a day-by-day format". What? no 'spicy suggestions for those into bestiality? Well, all this is well and good, but I would like to tape the scene when a person springs this on their spouse. And for those used to sex twice a month, this sounds exhausting. Since I now live in a condo, maybe I could post the day's 'spicy suggestion' in the elevator along with my unit number.
"DEVIANT DESIRES: INCREDIBLY STRANGE SEX" "Lavishly illustrated guide to the most fascinating and obscure outposts of the erotic frontier". I guess after the 365 days from the last book, one might need to buy this one lest your sex life dwindle to the mundane. But I am puzzled? Where do you find a partner for all this? I guess the internet, but how scary is that? "Looking for someone willing to have sex in the park dumpster during the 4th of July fireworks extravaganza." But what do I know, that might not be strange enough.
"GETTING OFF: A WOMAN'S GUIDE TO MASTURBATION." "Masturbation is, hands down, the safest, most satisfying sex with someone you love". Maybe that is why the marriage rate is falling across the globe. Let's be positive about this: this is the first good news relating to population control. You could be innovative and open up the first chain store titled "Masturbation R' Us". Just don't import any 'toys' from China for health reasons.
"FILTHY SHAKESPEARE: SHAKESPEARE'S MOST OUTRAGEOUS SEXUAL PUNS" " an insightful look into the down-and-dirty sexual puns lurking in Shakespeare's body of work." Now this is more like it, Shakespeare is certainly an appropriate required topic for any high school class. "Hey mom, do you know what Shakespeare meant when he wrote...........? Hee hee, ha, ha."
"GET THIS PARTY STARTED: 50 NAUGHTY GAMES." "Adults Only".
I don't know, this sounds like something which would appeal to some adolescent crowd to me. I wonder, when the evenings' games are over, are there playoffs? Wouldn't this make a good reality series? Instead of a DJ for this party, is there an announcer?: "Score! "It's Over! Lily of the Valley Wins! The Assist by Honschnivel Puts Her Over the Top! Incredible!. Here's the RePlay! OK, good night everyone, from the home of ...........another wild and exciting finish to a game filled with surprises throughout."
Finally, here is the kicker: All of the above books are written by women with the exception of the Cultural History of the Penis. I think I live a sheltered life.
