Reunions:
For the most part, I don't attend reunions so my expertise here is nonexistent. Just one of many shortcomings on my part. Still, reunions intrigue me. Ok, I guess most things intrigue me, preferably from a distance. It all started well enough---my mother's side of the family had family reunions a couple of times a year. Back in those days relatives tended to live close by, not scattered all over the country. A trip any distance back then would put you into a really new world. Now you get off a plane and head down the highway and it would be hard to guess you were far away from home---same looking hotels, restaurants, expressways etc. And if you try to get off the beaten path to get a really local flavor, it is probably too dangerous. Of course there are exceptions and these exceptions attract crowds and the crowds themselves become the main standout. It is easy to feel crowded in these days.
On my mother's side I had 7 aunts and uncles and 16 cousins. These youthful reunions I always looked forward to, and the cousins near my age I got to know quite well. But then I took off to college way up in the state of Maine and it all changed. I never saw many of them again until last year. But last year's reunion was a pleasant experience. Every one looked quite familiar to me. I say fun----maybe it was mostly just curiosity to see what they looked like now. And to pull off that reunion took an extraordinary effort on the part of one cousin. Some people make me look like a social retard. I probably am.
I have never gone to a high school reunion, a college reunion, or any kind of reunion except my old neighborhood 'gang' reunions which took place about every year. I did go, a couple of years ago, to the reunion of a high school class I taught back in the 60's. That was a disappointment.
The noise was unbearable, I simply didn't remember most of the students I had in class back then, and the athlete's I coached, who I did remember well, were very kind to me---BUT the distant connect was just that---distant---almost unreal with no current meaningful connect. You can never go home again.
I suppose, if they held a high school or college class reunion right here in Woodridge, IL I might go. But likely I would regret it. Nothing about me in high school or college created any aura of outstanding memories. You wouldn't find my name or picture cluttering up any yearbook. No best this or that, most likely to become this or that, President of this or that, etc. One time, on a major NYC radio station some disk jockey identified me by name on the radio and remarked, "He's a swinger". Unfortunately, he didn't even know me. On the other side of the coin I probably didn't have any enemies either. In some sense I think only fools think they have any real importance in life. It is mostly one damn thing after another, you struggle, you succeed, you lose, you have a few happy moments surrounded by a lot more stressful moments, you age, and if you live long enough you become physically and mentally decrepit, with most of those you knew best already dead. Nevertheless, the really smart find ways to accept the totality of existence, be grateful for good fortunes, and with time, go gently down the stream having learned not to take life or death too seriously, ready to embark on one's last voyage---a giant leap in the dark.
I guess it is not just reunions which are low on my list of preferred attractions. If you see me at weddings, anniversaries, birthday parties, seasonal celebrations, graduations, church socials, work related parties, etc.---well you are mistaken, you didn't see me. Part of this is just my nature. Early in my life I just decided I am not going to be dragged around here and there, along the way buying gifts for an endless mob of nice people for an endless number of celebratory occasions. Once you start it would never end, and even more important where the hell on whom do you draw the line? I envy those who thrive on this stuff as an important part of their social life. My hat goes off to them. Most people I know are not in need of any gifts. What they really want, they buy for themselves, just like I do. The most absurd is Christmas gift exchanges where all the parties involved let each other know what they want. Sometimes they go so far as to list the make, the model number, the color, etc. When I was a child an Aunt and Uncle on my father's side, who I had never met, sent me a Christmas present every Christmas. I am sorry to admit I didn't appreciate it at all. Most of the time it was nothing I wanted. Then my mother made me write a thank you note: " Dear------thank you for the present. How are you? I am fine....blah, blah, blah" as short as possible. One time I wrote, "next year please ask what I want first" but my mother made me take that out and rewrite the note. Pushy little brat I guess.
As a young adult I took all this, in my mind a lot of 'silliness', by the horns and made it clear to anyone remotely likely to expect a present from me that I wasn't sending presents to anyone for anything and neither was I accepting presents from anyone either. Whatever relationship I have with anyone I don't want it to involve gift giving. My attitude was that if anyone wanted to eliminate me as a friend because I wouldn't buy them gifts, they were not anyone I needed for a friend anyway. The plus of this kind of attitude is this: there are times you have a meaningful relationship---temporary or otherwise----with someone who needs financial help in a crises, and it is easier to financially help them since, if you didn't spend money on gift giving to those not in need of any gift, you have an obligation then to spend that money on those who do need financial help. The truth is I don't think I really lost friends very often on this gift giving issue. My operation isn't foolproof. When people collect money for a gift to someone whom I know, I usually cave in and contribute. I feel on the spot. While they clearly would not expect a gift from me, they hardly would appreciate a public statement from me that I refuse to contribute toward any gift to them. But that's ok, at least I didn't have to go shopping and pick out a gift, wrap it up, send it etc.
Group gatherings have limitations to me. Unless through gossip, a most unreliable source of valid information, group gatherings seldom provide real insight into others. Everyone is on stage projecting whatever image of themselves they wish to project. I can spend 6 hrs at a large gathering and come away knowing little more of importance about anyone after the gathering then I knew before. Cleverisms and feigned affections blossom more profusely than galloping gonorrhea. Add some liquor and someone will gush out with something ill appreciated by someone else and just like that, hard feelings are generated. I am capable of that minus any liquor, another reason to skip such events. The devil in me sometimes feels the urge to enter a large gathering, launch into diatribes about religious beliefs, political leanings, and sexual experiences or judgments, then go home and let the the angry upset attendees put each other's noses out of joint. But I don't do this, frankly feeling if I can do no good with my presence, at least do no harm.
The purpose of reunions, I think, is to recreate the past. Forget it, the past is past. With precious few exceptions when I leave a job or move to a new location I just break ties then and there. It is difficult enough to establish meaningful relationships with those you currently come in contact without trying to do such a thing with those you will hardly ever have contact again. I don't consider this an act of hostility but a reflection that both parties need concentrate on matters and people at hand; you can never forever be all things to all people. The best you can probably do is harm no one, and selectively assist those genuinely in need of help. The world is full of people being treated unfairly in life and to come to the aid of someone with no or little support base in life is as good a way to justify your own good fortune as any. People build People was a sign I hung in my office at the University. To this day it is one of the few generalizations which seems to contain some universal truth.
But when all is said and done (being done is not my specialty) everyone is truly different. Reunions do mean a lot to many people, they love the things, and all of my above babble, even if it were polished and logical, is simply inapplicable to others, probably most others. If I believe in anything, I believe in live and let live to the extent there are no victims. People can re-unionate to whatever extent they enjoy it, and old curmudgeons like myself should just get out of their way.
Getting out of the way is the best dance step to learn for those my age. Failing at this brings on a pattern of mumbling, whining, fretful squawking, and useless personal attacks fired in the manner of shotgun buckshot at demons everywhere. Not I, musings hidden out of sight, off the beaten path, suffice to dissipate the fussiness of a terminal age.
