EGOSEXUALITY
Perhaps all human sexuality proves is that God has a sense of humor. It is hardly a rational subject. I suspect it is precisely because of this irrationality that few people spend much social discourse talking about their own personal sex life. Thus, we rarely know how often any couple, of any ilk, are having sex or what kind of sex they engage in or how often or intense their orgasms. Most parents probably would like to have a meaningful conversation with their young kids about sex. What a challenge that is!! Before puberty and the presence of sexual drive, explanations of sex seem to prepubescent kids a bit weird. Try explaining all the variations of sexual activity found on the internet to kids and the response would be mostly "Huh?". These days kids have so much access to the wildest of sexual activity on the internet that I wonder what impact all this has on their own eventual sexual nature. When I was young porno stars wore masks, the film was grainy, the sex pretty vanilla, and for teenagers to get a hold of some porno films was difficult. Now they go google themselves for sex.
Somewhere in the mixture of genes, environment, and personal contacts is generated a person's peculiar sexual orientation and sexual drive. Is it better to have a strong sexual drive or minimal interest in sex? A lot of people with strong sexual drives end up ruining their careers and/or marriages. People with weak sexual drives often end up ending their marriages and/or a lot of enjoyment. Tails you lose, heads somebody else wins. Non sexual aspects of life are more easily thought through, planned out, and are more controllable. Our sexual lives seem more some sort of leap in the dark. Viagra may be a boom to many while at the same time an awful thing to many a sexual partner. "Why don't you act your age?" is as applicable to sexual behavior as to any other activity.
A lot of things in life we choose. Our sexual nature appears not to be one of them. It really doesn't appear much of it is really learned. Let's take a foot fetish. How in the world would anyone learn that? Top vs bottom, dominant vs sub, I mean what determines that? The inclination or disinclination for oral sex, anal sex, group sex, same sex, etc.-----what causes all this variation? Is their no rationale or sanity to sex outside of reproduction? You don't really have to have sex in today's world to reproduce. How strange is that----the one solid reason for sex is no longer necessary. Even sexual orientation is an enigma wrapped inside an enigma. The best psychologists seem to come up with is that even this distinction is one of degrees. Those in the middle I guess are bisexuals. Given what we actually know about sex would seem to dictate we all relax, live and let live, and hope we can find appropriate partners for our own sexual needs. The trouble is, the way some people engage in sex, or the frequency of their sex, is repulsive to us. It just is. Case closed. Stay away.
On top of all this there is the "what God has put together let no one put asunder" mentality about marriage. Ah hah!!! We put together our own wishes or beliefs about what God's dictates are regarding sex and marriage. No rationality is required to do this, just faith based belief. If God really puts a marriage together, why do so many marriages fail? Is God that inept or are we the silly ones? If God meant for marriage to be between man and woman why does homosexuality even exist? Is love between 2 people what is sacred or is love tied irrevocably with some sort of sexual actions? Should love and sex even be connected in the same concept? You can really love your parents or a boss etc without a sexual relationship. Even within a marriage, is true love only in existence when each is sexually aroused? I think not. So we have marriage which is serious business and sex which just complicates the whole thing. Bring in the clowns. Never mind, their already here.
Among a zillion other things, each couple, of a unique sexual nature, have to figure out how to cope with their sexuality. Nothing is more of a personal nature than that. We all kind of really know that the consequences of 'affairs' are a matter to be handled between the parties involved in the affair. We really do know this. BUT, we all have opinions and feelings---sometimes strong feelings----about all of this and it strongly attracts our attention. No soap opera is more intriguing than the sexual escapades of others you know well, either personally or via their public persona. We all know, for example, that what kind of President Bill Clinton was, which is policy based, has little to do with his sex life---and with time that sort of wins out, mainly because our attention is diverted to newer sex soap operas.
In the end it seems we are all egosexuals. It is ourselves we really know the best and really love. Those who study such a thing say that most people reach the highest level of orgasm through masturbation. If so, even sex with ourselves is egosexual. When we say we love someone else perhaps we are really saying that we love the way they can relate to US or if it is purely a sexual tryst we love the visual stimulus they give to US to heighten OUR sexual orgasms or the sexual acts they are willing to engage in with US for US to achieve orgasms. Of course all this sounds sacrilegious---the notion that we are really always the center of our love, but at least the semantics can be made to fit. It is interesting that most everyone professes to appreciate diversity among human beings EXCEPT in sexual behavior. I mean, some sexual acts are just disgusting or silly. YET logically, to those who engage in such acts, these acts must not be disgusting or silly to THEM. I guess the Golden Rule applies here also. Consenting sexual behaviors among adults has to be tolerated if we ourselves expect our own sexual nuances to be outside social investigation and judgment. If personal sexual behaviors are really that important, then why limit judgment to heterosexuality and homosexuality? These are just generalized terms. To do this right one would need to list all those sexual acts which are deemed right and all those which are deemed wrong and give everyone a lie detector test, or at least post a reward for anyone who can prove someone engaged in the wrong sex acts. We could even have undercover police to entrap someone into engaging in these wrong sex acts. Oral sex, anal sex, foot fetishes, etc are present in hetero and homo sexual behaviors. I am now in my terminational stage of life and I can no more speak intelligently about varying sexual behaviors now than I could in my formative or productive years. Sexual preferences are beyond human reason. With all aspects of human sexual behavior now available to everyone on the internet, on what basis can any of us pass judgment? I mean most all religions make clear we are not to kill, to steal, to fornicate with other people's spouses, but what about specific sex acts? The silence is deafening. And when the Old Testament attempts such specifics it gets a bit silly. Like if someone has sex with an animal the animal must be killed. And like really, how many people engage in sex with animals? Is this really a social problem? I have heard of politicians promising a chicken in every pot, but never a sheep in every bed.
That sex is beyond reason is precisely why there are so many sexual jokes. We laugh more about sex than probably any other topic. So if it is so funny why do we, on paper, take it so serious? What is puberty but entrance into some kind of unpredictable, uncontrollable ride through some mysterious tunnel of love? If anyone knows which character traits are requisite for a lasting marriage it sure is kept a secret. What is the use of even trying to predict who should marry who? For the most part, those at different levels of physical 'attractiveness' will marry someone within their own level. You begin to learn this at the first school dances. When an ugly person marries an attractive person that really creates widespread dumbfoundness. Then add ethnicity, culture, politics, plus religion and you have kind of covered most of the marriage predicables. Parents care a lot about who their children marry. They lose sleep over it, they try every subtle or non subtle technique at their disposal to discourage the 'wrong' match. My guess is that the wrong match simply reflects the distorted reality they have about their own child. "You deserve better than that" is probably seen through 'rose colored' glasses. I wonder if the other parents are saying the same thing?
I think sex, for the most part, is some sort of crap shoot. I am sure, as a professor, I met and knew, fairly well, individuals of all sorts of sexual bents. I suppose if they are a drag queen or flaming gay or dress like they live in a dungeon one might correctly assess their sexual nature. We have all known many people who are successful in their careers until someone 'outs' their private sexual life. In fact, one gets the impression, maybe unfairly, that the more rigid people are about sexual diversity, the more likely they are trapped into some sort of sexual 'perversity' themselves----priests and Republicans come to mind. Psychologists tell us it is not healthy to repress sexual outlets. The Catholic Church still does that with priests and the results are not pretty. When I was younger and would investigate adult book stores it seemed most of the people in there were the ugly, the weird, the overweight, etc---not the kind of people who attract others to chase after their body. Maybe it was a good thing they had these stores to go to for a sexual outlet. Better they congregate there than in alleys or amusement parks. Today, with the internet, a flick of a switch can bring any kind of sexual fantasy of the moment right in your face. We can pretend sexual 'perversities' are rare but the popularity of 'porno sites' belies any truth to to such illusions.
Sexuality is one of the topics which I have about reached the end of my search for understanding. It is what it is. Right and wrong have little application outside the Golden Rule. "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you". Sex must always be a consensual activity between adults. Swing from the chandeliers during sex if you like, or pervert yourself to your hearts delight. If it meets your sexual needs fine. When you finish go out and be good ethical citizen. I never thought much about Nancy Reagan's "Just say NO" slogan for drugs. I think it is perfect for sex though. If anyone is into some kind of sex which does not appeal to you "Just say NO". Politely. By the time you reach your terminational phase of life it would be more of an honor if some attractive person suggested most any of kind sex with you. I think most of the elderly are best to 'act their age' when it comes to sex. The lucky ones probably have lost interest in sex. Puberty has finally ended. If not, go fuck yourself. I always wondered if there was a place for this saying in life. I guess there is---I arrived there.
"A million million spermatozoa, all of them alive: Out of their cataclysm but one poor Noah Dare hope to survive. And among that billion minus one Might have chanced to be Shakespeare, Lincoln, Honschnivel, or T.O. But the One was You." (modified)
